LAUGH LINES

Plane and Simple: “According to a new study, airline travel is becoming safer. Of course it’s safer. Delays are keeping more planes on the ground.” (Daily Scoop)

Pay at the Drive-Thru: “McDonald’s is now testing a new electronic payment system that will allow customers to pay for their food with a McDonald’s credit card. What better way to impress that special gal during dinner? . . . It seems to me that if you don’t have enough cash on you to eat at McDonald’s, how do you even get a credit card in the first place?” (Jay Leno)

Big Apple’s New Leaf: “The New York Tourist Bureau has finally unveiled its new slogan, replacing ‘I Love New York’ with the brand-new phrase ‘Paint the Town Red.’ This slogan narrowly beat out the second choice: ‘New York, What Are You Looking At?’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Signs No One on ‘Temptation Island’

Is Attracted to You

10. Your bikini size is 34C--and you’re a man.

9. Every few minutes you “accidentally” get harpooned.

7. The network put a blue dot over your entire body.

5. Out of 100 people, there’s you and 99 women who’d like to be “just friends.”

4. It ain’t “Survivor,” but they vote you off the island anyway.

3. You don’t cause any couples to break up, but you do make them decide not to have children.

1. The only thing people are tempted to do is laugh.

Send us a line: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.