Final Analysis: East Must Come Up Big

Now it’s time to say goodbye, from all our fam-i-ly . . .

It was an incredible season here. The Lakers had more subplots than “General Hospital” and still won their second title in a row. The Clippers became an exciting, glimpse-of-tomorrow attraction. The Vancouver Grizzlies passed over Orange County. It doesn’t get much better than that.

The league seemed lost at midseason when the tide of negativity rose so high, Commissioner David Stern misplaced his fabled cool in a contentious interview with ESPN’s Bob Ley. However, its Finals TV rating came in a surprising 12.0, just below the 12.1 baseball got for its last World Series.

Of course, it would be better if everyone involved understood the most important thing is--the last thing they seem to think of--the game.

Ratings soared when the Philadelphia 76ers won Game 1 and fought to the end in Games 2 and 3. Meanwhile, NBC producer David Neal claimed credit for the stupid “Weakest Link” halftime show.

Then there was ESPN Radio’s Brent Musburger, who attributed the interest to the markets.

“Give me the Celtics, Bulls, 76ers and the Lakers and I’ll give you a rating,” he told USA Today. “ . . . People say New York, New York. But there are so many things to do in New York that I’ve never considered it one of the great sports cities.”

This is like the scene in “Spinal Tap” when the band’s New York gig is canceled and its manager assures the guys New York isn’t really a rock ‘n’ roll city.

Of course, not being in New York didn’t help when the Lakers dominated Games 4 and 5, terminating the suspense and the 76ers and lowering the final TV number.

Unfortunately for the league, the West, 12-4 in the last three Finals, still dominates the East, even if the 76ers diverted everyone. If the East doesn’t come up with some real powers with some real size, more mismatches and ratings swoons loom, which would create the perception, if not the fact, the NBA is in trouble.

The league could buy insurance by seeding its final four (although, as the Lakers proved against the San Antonio Spurs, nothing is guaranteed by matching your best teams), but Stern says he likes the current setup.

Of course, Stern used to defend high school kids turning pro and the zone-defense rules before the 1999-2001 slump obliged him to rethink everything.

Happily for the league, all four of the prep giants in last week’s lottery wound up in the East (Kwame Brown with the Washington Wizards, Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry with the Chicago Bulls, DeSagana Diop with the Cleveland Cavaliers).

Not that they can be expected to have much impact on anything until around 2005.

It’s a brave new NBA, with new rules coming in next season, already despised by everyone but the 25 experts who drew them up.

Big-spending owners are about to be socked by a luxury tax (raising the cost of the Portland Trail Blazers’ payroll from $89 million to about $125 million). The owners are so flipped out, they’re dumping stars left and right.

The players, meanwhile, will soon give back 10% of their salaries to the owners in the escrow deal their union made with Stern to end the ’99 lockout, which will have your heroes screaming bloody murder.

But that’s a series of crises for another day. In the meantime, here’s how things look:

In a League of Their Own

LAKERS--Lindsey Hunter tanked in the playoffs, but he’s a 38% career three-point shooter and getting him for Greg Foster was a good move for Mitch Kupchak.

However, they may not have many more, with owner Jerry Buss so insistent on staying under the $53-million luxury tax threshold, he may not even let them spend their $4.25-million exception and go to $57 million . . . despite grossing at least $250 million in two seasons.

The incomparable Shaquille O’Neal-Kobe Bryant tandem is getting along fine these days, seeing as how they don’t see each other.

On the down side, Derek Fisher and Mark Madsen just got hurt, and J.R. Rider remains on the roster.

They’ll Have to Try Harder

SPURS--They don’t have many moves, either, but they’re better than they showed in the West finals. Of course, they could be a lot better and still not be good enough.

TRAIL BLAZERS--General Manager Bob Whitsitt should have begged an interested Magic Johnson to coach. Instead, Whitsitt worried that Johnson just wanted to get close to owner Paul Allen. As if Magic didn’t know enough money men.

After months of seeking someone charismatic or brilliant, Whitsitt finally gave up and hired soft-spoken 76er assistant Mo Cheeks, who has to reclaim Shawn Kemp’s body and Rasheed Wallace’s mind, to start with.

Scottie Pippen and Steve Smith are old. Bonzi Wells takes after Wallace. Dale Davis wants to play. Arvydas Sabonis, who didn’t like Wallace throwing a towel in his face, is so disgusted, he may not return from Lithuania.

They’re still the NBA’s deepest team, but they don’t pay off on how high you can stack second-echelon stars. If the Blazermaniacs don’t get their heads back on, Cheeks will have even less fun than Mike Dunleavy.

76ERS--Larry Brown and Allen Iverson, a love story for the ages . . . or the moment?

KINGS--It’ll be interesting to see how Chris Webber, this summer’s prize free agent, reacts to trading his troubled homie, Jason Williams, for the Grizzlies’ Mike Bibby. But for King General Manager Geoff Petrie, that was grand theft.

In Limbo

MAGIC--Having moved Michael Doleac and $2 million to Cleveland, Orlando still has to get $4 million-$6 million off its cap to sign Antonio Davis, who says he wants to come. The team won 43 games with Tracy McGrady and slugs up front. With Grant Hill and Davis, it would win more.

HEAT--After blasting himself for weeks, Pat Riley holed up to reassess his program . . . and emerged with the good news he had been right all along!

What a relief, at least for him.

Expected to do anything to get one of the superstar point guards, Riley turned out to be loath to break up his modestly talented team. Jason Kidd and Stephon Marbury are already spoken for and Riley doesn’t look like he’s doing back flips to get Gary Payton.

After announcing lovable Tim Hardaway was finally too decrepit to stay, Riley now says they’ll offer him a contract.

Says Hardaway, open to still another last hurrah: “I’m still a Heat. July 1, that’s when I become not a Heat.”

SUNS--Next: Backcourt 2002.

Backcourt 2000, Kidd and Penny Hardaway, is over. Kidd’s a Net and Hardaway rarely ventures far from the injured list.

“We’re going in a different direction here,” owner Jerry Colangelo says. “This is not conservative Phoenix Suns. We’re stepping out . . . [with] these two young guns, [Shawn] Marion and Marbury.”

Colangelo is a sharp operator, but as Joumana Kidd noted on her radio show, he’s increasingly tied up with the Arizona Diamondbacks. If he wasn’t, maybe he’d have offered Kidd for one of the prep centers. Now the Suns are surrounded by huge rivals and all they have is Jake Tsakilidis and no legitimate power forward.

They’re Comers, If Not Elitists

CLIPPERS--Even happier days are here again. Elgin Baylor’s trade for Elton Brand gave them a perfect fit, a rock-solid banger with a low-post game on a team with a lot of perimeter-playing athletes.

Of course, it might be a little early for owner Donald T. “I’ll Pay Whatever It Takes” Sterling to surface and start sharing in the credit.

For one thing, someone might ask why he’s sitting on $15 million worth of cap space and not even trying to bring in a veteran to get them over that massive hump--they were 16 games behind No. 8 Minnesota--between them and the playoffs.

Not that I would ask. I already know the answer.

HAWKS--They’re back on the map after adding Shareef Abdur-Rahim to a front line of Theo Ratliff and Toni Kukoc. In a perfect world, every general manager would be able to make a deal with Vancouver’s puffed-up Dick Versace, but the Hawks’ Pete Babcock got there first.

ROCKETS--Everyone thinks of Coach Rudy Tomjanovich as a lovable bumpkin, but he sure makes a lot of good moves. Eddie Griffin, whom he purloined from the Nets for three No. 1s, fell on exaggerated worries about character, but has Shareef-like potential. Tomjanovich is so excited, he says he’s pulling out of the Webber sweepstakes.

BULLS--Jerry Krause planted the seeds of a possible rebirth, even if they’ll take a l-o-o-n-g time to sprout. Not that Krause is worried about losing 70 next season, with Duke’s Jason Williams and China’s Yao Ming in next spring’s draft and two summers before Vince Carter, Paul Pierce and Dirk Nowitzki come on the market.

It may not be sure-fire, but at least it’s a plan.

Fade to Black

NETS--Rod Thorn sent Marbury away and turned the No. 7 pick in the draft into Nos. 13-18-23. Kidd will make everyone feel better, starting with Keith Van Horn, who was scorned by Marbury.

Kidd insists he’s happy to be there. They’d better hope he still feels that way when his contract is up in two summers.

SUPERSONICS--Payton was so sure he was gone, he wrote a thank-you letter to Seattle fans (“As I enjoy the city of Seattle and would like to finish my career as a Sonic, I may or may not be a part of the Sonics’ future, depending on management over the next few days and weeks.”)

Vin Baker will be dumped if anyone will take him. Patrick Ewing has already left--and bought a house near Miami.

However, with consumer-friendly Starbucks magnate Howard Schultz running things, fans can count on a good, if pricey, cup of espresso and a comfy place to sit.

WARRIORS--How could you be stuck with Erick “Sleepy” Dampier for five more years at $40 million, draft No. 5 and 14 . . . and still not come out of it with a center?

Needing a big man and a point guard, they took a shooting guard and a forward. To accommodate Jason Richardson, they’re moving Larry Hughes, who hasn’t demonstrated he has enough brain cells to play shooting guard, to the point.

Only you, Garry St. Jean.

GRIZZLIES--How could you be stuck with Bryant “Big Nothing” Reeves for three more years at $39 million, trade your best two players, draft No. 3 and 6 . . . and still come out of it without a center?

Only you, Dick Versace.

Faces and Figures

This is so heartwarming: Former uber-agent, now mere agent David Falk, who often vowed revenge on the Clippers for not doing his bidding, telephoned them with his client, Brand, to say how happy they were about the deal. Of course, as Brand later noted at the Bulls’ facility, Falk first asked him, “Do you want me to block this?” . . . Gag if this sounds familiar: Falk says that yet another of his clients wasn’t properly appreciated. “What blocks the Bulls from doing things is players look at Elton Brand and say here’s a guy who did everything he could for the past two years with very little help,” Falk said. “The team didn’t bring in major free agents or rookies who made much of a difference, and he never complained. His reward was for the team to say, ‘Thanks a million for the past two years and for making rookie of the year, but we think we’re better off taking an unproven player.’ Do I think that sends a positive message? Clearly, Chicago made a business decision that Tyson Chandler is more valuable to the Bulls than Elton Brand. It’s hard for me to understand how anyone could make a decision like that, but you’re entitled to make that decision, and you’re entitled to win 20 games a year for the past three years.” . . . Translation: Falk’s power is dwindling with Michael Jordan in management, Ewing in his dotage and clients such as Baker and Marbury leaving him, and he was hoping to use Brand to make Chicago, and its $17 million of cap room, his new power base. The Clippers are clearly hopeless for his purposes because he knows better than most that Sterling won’t go for spit. This year’s draft belonged to Arn Tellem, who represents first-rounders Brown, Curry, Griffin, Jason Collins and Gerald Wallace. The best free agents Falk has coming up in the next two years are relative small fry, Larry Hughes and Maurice Taylor. Oh, and Tellem and Falk, one-time allies at SFX, don’t look as close anymore.

A coup? Arizona’s Loren Woods, ticketed for the teens, dropped all the way to Minnesota at No. 46 on medical worries about his back and gossip about his lack of toughness. For the Timberwolves, who had no No. 1 pick, and played 6-foot-6 Reggie Slater at center, he looks pretty good . . . Longtime Laker scout Ronnie Lester is considered the front-runner to assume assistant coach Kurt Rambis’ old assistant general manager slot.