Some Facial Contortionists and a Worm Eater Stake a Claim to, er, Fame

Here’s milk in your eye! “As a resident in the Greater L.A. Sphere of Influence, I swelled with pride as I browsed through the 2001 Guinness World Records book,” writes Marvin Petal of Oxnard.

Forget about the Super Bowls, World Series games and Olympics contests staged here. Petal learned that L.A. has been the scene of several more noteworthy exhibitions, including:

* “Greatest distance milk squirted from eye” (6 feet 7 inches, by Jim Cichon, Nov. 20, 1998).

* “Greatest distance spaghetti shot from nose” (Kevin Cole, one strand propelled 7.5 inches, Dec. 16, 1998).

* “Most worms eaten” (Mark Hogg, 62 live earthworms in 30 seconds, Nov. 19, 1998).

* “Most hamburgers stuffed in mouth at same time” (three with everything, by Johnny Reitz, June 17, 1998).

Guinness added that Reitz “was not allowed to swallow any part of the hamburgers.”

Hogg should have been so lucky with the worms.

Now that I’ve whetted your appetite: Hi, my name is Steve and I’ll be your server today. (No, I’m not the one who spilled soup on you last time.) Today’s Adventurous Dining items (see accompanying) are:

* A serving line for motorists--”Can road rage in the buffet line be far behind?” asks Mike Hatchimonji of La Palma.

* An unusual example of food imagery in advertising (C. Ann Loken of Westminster).

* A sign that puts suspense into restaurant parking (Tony Gleeson).

* And, finally, a pack of really hot smokes (Irene Luna of L.A.).

She has the credentials: The advice columnist for Southern California’s Divorce Magazine--yes, there is such a publication--is Donald Trump’s ex, Ivana.

Painful reading: As I said the other day, the grand-prize in the Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction-writing contest went to a Canadian. But several locals won coveted “Dishonorable Mention” citations, including Matthew Swanlund of Beverly Hills.

His entry for the opening of a romance novel read:

“My first night with Anastasia was the kind of magical, passionate ride that left me with my pants on the back of the kitchen chair, my underwear on the chandelier, my socks in the toilet, my hair on the door handle, half of my artificial leg somewhere in the pantry, my kidney in a Coleman ice chest on its way to the Moroccan black market, and my car in a Tijuana auto repair shop with new, red, diamond-tuck interior.”

But, luckily, no spaghetti in his nose.

miscelLAny: After reporting that part of the White House’s West Wing was evacuated because of a bomb scare on Thursday, a radio station here coincidentally introduced its segment on the Emmy Awards this way:

“ ‘The Sopranos’ put a hit on the ‘West Wing.’ ”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.