He Gives New Meaning to Having Poetic License

Honk if you’ve ever been stopped in traffic behind a car with vanity license plates and missed a green light while you sat there trying to figure it out.

Honk again if you thought what a dream job it would be to come up with back-bumper catch phrases for a living.

Here are my hot-plate suggestions for some of your favorite sports personalities.

For extra credit and a free car wash, use a separate sheet of paper to conceal the answers and see how many plates you can match to the applicable sports figure (80% gets you a job running the eye chart at your local DMV):

GNEEUS: Phil Jackson (Chicago Bulls)

GNEEBUS: Phil Jackson (Lakers)

T8PDLAY: NBC Olympic car

IAMMVP: Barry Bonds (regular season car)

IAVG196: Barry Bonds (playoff car)

JLOJGLN: Chick Hearn

RU4SURE: Andre Agassi

IKDUNOT: Steffi Graf

UMPBMPR: Marquis Grissom

GROOVD1: Chan Ho Park

PRKDIT: Cal Ripken Jr.

YNOAB?: Tony Gwynn

BORS252: Alex Rodriguez

RUNINL8: J.R. Rider

M8KMCRI: Roy Firestone

CD%@#@&: Shaquille O’Neal

OUT4YR: David Wells

OUT2YRS: Darren Dreifort

10DNDOC: Frank Jobe

HIQBIQ: Steve Spurrier

QB4HIRE: Trent Dilfer

WHAAHZU: Ryan Leaf

4192OSU: Bob Davie (Fiesta Bowl car)

2SRVMAN: Goran Ivanisevic

LOJACK: Paul Lo Duca

ROGRNME: Mark McGwire

KDKMISH: David Stern

2DYE4: Mike Piazza

86DQBA: Tom Lasorda (Olympic car)

TKHEADR: Tom Lasorda (All-star car)

4MRIUSOB: Bob Knight

MAJOR0: Phil Mickelson

XFHELL: Dick Ebersol

3NOUT: USC football coach (courtesy car)

UCLANOD: defensive coordinator (rental car)

6462CYA: Martina Hingis (Wimbledon limo)

YEN2HIT: Ichiro Suzuki

ICUNC2A: Jerry Tarkanian

10JQKA: Pete Rose

SAYHAY: Point Given

UPTHRVR: Darryl Henley (made his own)

OFFMINE: John Rocker

OUTFOXD: Keith Olbermann (already penning rebuttal plates)

BADRAP: Allen Iverson

247365: Dennis Rodman

RAI DUHS: Al Davis

BBNOITAL: George Will

OVRXPZD: Howie Long

PSHN40: Michael Jordan

NO12FITE: Roy Jones

GDOLBOY: Bobby Bowden

RAS PUTN: Steve Lavin

LV2DANC: Mark Madsen

FLOPKNG: Dikembe Mutombo

STICKIT: Mario Lemieux

KRAMIT: Muhammad Ali

DOWNIT!: Lee Hamilton

STOLEIT: Bobby Thomson

RIGDIT?: Dale Earnhardt Jr.

FNEBYME: Mark Cuban

IBFFBI: Don King

IH8CLAY: Pete Sampras

LUVLAV: Pete Dalis

JNGLJM: Jim Rome

NOLOBLZ: Mills Lane

NOZSQAT: Yogi Berra

3WPW1PT: Tiger Woods

NFLZZZ: Paul Tagliabue

DIPCLIP: Donald Sterling

TRIPDHR: Zola Budd

NETZRO: Patrick Roy

BOBNLEV: Oscar De La Hoya

YER2YER: Lou Piniella (clue: AL West standings)

NOTSOSO: Sammy Sosa

NEEBSTR: Tonya Harding

HXDHALO: Mo Vaughn

BRKALOT: Charles Barkley

44THNKU: Kobe Bryant

MRMIKE: Michael Buffer

MSTRMIK: Vin Scully

ERLOBE: Mike Tyson

HROFFHD: Jose Canseco

MCRIP: John McEnroe

HIHARD1: Randy Johnson

KNG2WNG: Luc Robitaille

PRM2PRO: Tyson Chandler

NODECAF: Lee Corso

BULLRUN: Elton Brand

BIG2NA: Bill Parcells

HOOPHR: Dick Vitale

BEAR323: Joe Paterno

IMEMINE: Randy Moss

THROSLO: Tim Wakefield

JAGR2DC: Jaromir Jagr

VNS.NET: Venus Williams

10USDAD: Richard Williams

BUDLITE: Bud Selig

KORTKRT: Casey Martin

IOCADIOS: Juan Antonio Samaranch

GR8EGO: George Steinbrenner

GRIPRIP: John Daly

SHRTCUT: Rosie Ruiz

CYNTIME: Roger Clemens

WWFPECS: Vince McMahon