Keeping Some Mens’ Reps from Going to the Dogs

In a correspondence to this newspaper, Lisa Salan of Orange addresses a vital question: Are all men dogs?

I have a vested interest in the answer, because I am one (a man, that is).

The question arose, Salan writes, as she was attending a training session for women who have volunteered to help young parents care for their children. The volunteers are trained through the auspices of a child-abuse prevention center.

In other words, these are women with good hearts.

So, Salan says she was surprised as the group of 12 or so was putting away some pizza and Coke and the conversation turned a bit serious.

“A fellow volunteer matter-of-factly remarked that all men are dogs,” Salan says. “This woman pressed on, saying, ‘All men, when given the opportunity, will behave like dogs--that is, engage in lying, philandering, stringing women along, etcetera.’ ”

Before returning to Salan’s narrative, let’s pause right here and catch our breath. Plus, it will give each of us a chance to cast our vote on whether we agree with the indictment.

Men can’t deny that they give women evidence for such charges. Worse, America’s literary and cinematic history is rife with depictions of men as misbehaving oafs. It seems there is much less celebration of what swell guys we really can be.

It also doesn’t help the cause that high-profile men philander and that a current congressmen’s dalliances occupy our thoughts as a Washington, D.C., intern has been missing for almost three months.

So, we bring much of our grief on ourselves.

This is a good time to return to Salan’s observations. As she heard the woman’s broadside and saw other nods of approval, Salan dived in.

“Well, my husband isn’t a dog,” she told the group.

I picture total silence descending on the group.

Instead, another woman told her: “You’re in denial.”

Well, how do you argue with that?

Salan, a 38-year-old mother of a baby daughter, didn’t engage the woman in mortal combat, but came away from the session more than a little troubled.

Even while granting that her antagonist doesn’t speak for all women, I think Salan has good reason.

That is, men realize that our bad-boy behavior will lead women to bring such cynicism to these kinds of pizza sessions. But, it’s not good for our society that such knee-jerk distrust of all men exists.

Salan insists the male-bashers in her midst weren’t joking.

I’ll let Salan defend us. “Initially, I felt this gut reaction to help save my husband’s honor,” she says. “But within two minutes of the conversation, I thought of a half-dozen other guys who are great fathers, husbands, friends, great members of society. They’re not playing around, they’re not philandering dogs.”

Men, can that be said enough?

This kind of debate can be held in merriment, and Salan agrees that, “On the surface, it’s something to poke fun at.” But, if in a polite and educated society, we try not to reduce groups of people to stereotypes, Salan says, this world-view of men can be harmful.

She notes that any man making such blanket statements about women would be branded as sexist. “But somehow, male-bashing has become tolerable in our society,” she said. “Is it any wonder our culture is rife with hostility and aggression?”

No, it isn’t, and there’s plenty of blame to pass around. Men rewrite the book every day on bad behavior, but can’t we agree that not all men do.

Can it really be healthy for women to pass on such vile judgments of men to their daughters? Is it good for women volunteering at a child-abuse center to go into it with a bias against men and fathers?

Just something to chew on this Sunday morning.

I am not for one second saying that all men are fully evolved, delightful creatures.

Only some of us.

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com.