Net Stocks Reduced to a Cheap Laugh
I can’t remember anyone ever accusing the 99 Cents Only outfit of price gouging. But that could change now. Rita Wiegand of L.A., Dan Kaplowitz of Whittier and several other readers pointed out that, in a recent ad, the Southern California discount chain announced:
“Internet stocks, now 9 for 99 cents. Your choice while supplies last. No limit.”
What--11 cents for one share of an Internet company? Where’s the bargain?
P.S.: The stock offering was a joke.
GUIDE TO ADVENTUROUS DINING: Hello. Today’s specials (see accompanying) include:
* A long, thin appetizer (submitted by Karen Zimka-Dowdell).
* An extremely small pizza meal, even with that one topping (Allan Goodman).
* Some meat that would go well with couch potatoes (Rick Meyer).
* For the toothless, a temporary pair of choppers--from a car rental agency, of all things (Harold Kotlin).
* And, finally, a reference to an architect who has won awards either for his homes or his consumption of alcoholic beverages (Gene Talmadge).
SOUR LEMON NOTE: The item here about the juice container’s expiration date moved Suzanne Cooper to write:
“Any mother can tell you that MAY2201AD has nothing to do with the lemonade. It’s obviously the expiration date of the straw wrapper, no doubt because there is a mathematical probability that sometime in the next 200 years someone’s child MAY have accidentally gotten one of those annoying pieces of cellophane into the trash on the first try, without parental intervention.”
Luckily, that would be 200 years plus two months.
NO AUDITIONS FOR THIS JOB: You may be aware that the Dodgers have accepted the apology of left fielder Gary Sheffield, who initially demanded to be traded, called Dodger boss Bob Daly a liar and hinted that he might not try hard if he was forced to stay in L.A.
Now the question is: Will the fans accept Sheffield’s apology? Or will some boycott the team? Apparently the Dodgers are ready for the latter possibility.
A new Dodger billboard along the Santa Ana Freeway says:
“Fans Wanted. No Experience Necessary.”
LET’S HEAR IT FOR ME! In his endorsement of L.A. mayoral candidate Antonio Villaraigosa the other day, Gov. Gray Davis said of himself: “Some people have said that my first year in office was one of the most productive of any first-year governor in recent California history.”
I’m reprinting that line in case you missed it the first time around because the lights went out while you were reading The Times.
UP THE WRONG TREE: A transmission shop’s flier, addressed to April Stein, arrived at the family residence in Pacific Palisades. “Where do they get their mailing list--from veterinarians?” asked Marilyn Stein, explaining that April was the family cat.
There was also grim irony in the fact that the flier related to automobiles. April was run over three years ago.
UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT: Mardy Wilkins of Montrose writes: “I received a fax in my office that said, ‘If you did not get this fax, please call this number.’ ”
miscelLAny:
Did you hear about the discovery in Africa of the 3.5-million-year-old skull of a previously unknown human species? At last--a possible explanation for some of the characters now roaming about on Hollywood Boulevard.
*
Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.
