Is This a Laker Tragedy? Leave It to Shakespeare

I saw the movie, “Shakespeare in Love,” on cable the other night because I heard it was about this writer, much like myself, who struggles to find the right words to put on paper.

Now I know the bard had the good fortune to die before someone dreamed up the game of hockey, which is the leading cause of writer’s block today.

And I know if I wrote, “To be or not to be? That is the question,” the editors here would delete the second part because it’s understood that’s the question. I even understand I’ll never really be another Shakespeare, because Plaschke is our tragedy writer.

But I still went to the movie to discover what inspired Will, and after seeing it was Gwyneth Paltrow, I took a look at my wife.

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NOW ONCE I was reminded I have bills to pay, just by coincidence I found myself listening to Henslowe talking to Fennyman in a scene about the play Shakespeare was trying to write with the sudden realization that I know how the Lakers’ season is going to end.

Henslowe says: “Let me explain about this theater business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles, you know, like signing a bad actor like Isaiah Rider, on the road to imminent disaster.

“Believe me,” Henslowe continues, “to be closed down by the plague and look bad in the regular season because Phil, Kobe and Shaq can’t get it together is a bagatelle in the ups and downs of the theater business.”

And Fennyman replies, “So what do we do?”

Henslowe, as he repeats throughout the movie, says, “Nothing. Strangely enough it all turns out well.”

Fennyman: “How?”

Henslowe: “I don’t know. It’s a mystery.”

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I FEEL BETTER already knowing there’s going to be another parade.

But I wouldn’t be surprised when it comes time for Jackson to reveal in his next book all the secrets in the Laker locker room that he tells all the players to keep behind closed doors--that everything started to come together just before “The Tonight Show” while sitting in the Green Room Tuesday night with Pee-wee Herman.

Before Wednesday’s game with the Sacramento Kings, Jackson feigned like he didn’t know who Herman was--like he hasn’t rented “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure”--saying he was with someone named Paul Reubens while waiting to go on with Jay Leno.

Maybe it’s important for the Zen Master not to have it known that with “Magic Screen’s” help, Pee-wee sees good things happening for the Lakers the rest of the way.

Now if you remember, Pee-wee had to juggle a lot of egos in the Playhouse each Saturday morning, making sure Penny, Miss Yvonne and Clocky all got an equal amount of air time. In many ways Pee-wee and Phil have the same job, so I get the impression there was a real connection there, which maybe explains why Wednesday night Jackson opted to soften the cheap-shot comments he made last week about Kobe Bryant in the Chicago Sun-Times.

“If I could take the word back--’sabotage’--I would . . . “ Jackson said.

The Laker coach had been quoted as saying, “Someone told me that in high school, Kobe used to sabotage his own games . . . to sabotage the team process, to be so self-centered in your own process . . . it’s almost stupefying.”

Recently, however, Jackson has been telling reporters those remarks were made off the record. I know I feel a lot better knowing he was only talking behind Kobe’s back, never intending that Bryant hearing it.

I have to believe, though, Pee-wee told Phil that’s not a very nice thing to do.

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THIS JUST IN: The Lakers were clobbered by the Kings last night.

It really is a mystery how things are going to turn out so well.

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JACKSON APPEARED ON “60 Minutes II” Tuesday night as well as with Leno, and will tonight tape the “Late Late Show” with Craig Kilborn (for airing Monday), pushing his book after a book-signing appearance earlier in the day.

I know he’s making $6 million a year, but you forget how expensive it can be if you’re dating--after two marriages.

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NOW THAT I know everything is going to work out just fine for the Lakers, and it’s just a mystery how it is going to happen, I can devote more attention to Dodger Boy . . . didn’t he use to hang around with Fireman Frank on Pee-wee’s Playhouse?

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I THOUGHT IT was nice of Bob Daly, the Movie Guy who runs the Dodgers, to confirm this week that he has no idea what he’s doing with his vote of confidence in Kevin Malone.

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AFTER A POOR Ramon Martinez pitching performance, Dodger Manager Jim Tracy a.k.a. “The Great Communicator,” told the media, “It wasn’t the kind of outing [Ramon] was looking for, but in my mind it wasn’t as bad as it appeared. There’s more to [making the pitching rotation] than one outing.”

The next day the Dodgers gave Martinez the choice of being cut or traded--anything but a place in the pitching rotation.

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I WOULD LOOK for Jose Canseco to surface next on “ER.”

pichar

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MO, LARRY AND Curly were the Three Stooges. Scott [Spiezio], Larry [Barnes] and Wally [Joyner] were the three candidates to play first base for the Angels. The confusion is understandable.

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AL MICHAELS, LOOKING better and better since sitting next to Dennis Miller, will receive the Sports and Media Award of Excellence at the second Celebrity Golf and Tennis Classic, an L.A. Sports & Entertainment Commission production, at the May 21 event at Riviera.

Golfers, who are interested in playing in the tournament, are advised that Mayor Richard Riordan will be on the course and Riviera will not have enough hard hats to go around.

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CLIPPER COACH Alvin Gentry set a goal for his team to finish .500, and while they presently sit 18-18, I predict they won’t meet that goal.

They have five home games remaining.

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FOR THOSE KEEPING track at home, it will be Venus Williams’ turn in the next tournament to begin limping.

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TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in a press release from the Dodgers:

“The Dodgers have released utility man F.P. Santangelo.”

It will be tough, but I think he would want me to go on.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address:t.j.simers@latimes.com.