Of Mouses and Men: Tales of the New Boob Tube

In an earlier time, they would have come with pitchfork and torch and hangman’s noose, so I suppose we should be thankful for these new advances in mob control. One click of the computer mouse and you’re whisked to safe sanctuary, far from the madding crowd.

Gotta love BOOB davie and the F(L)ighting irish ... along with his 5 (FIVE) year contract!! :-) Even BOOB will be able to TOTALLY destroy the irish program. But you can’t blame it ALL on BOOB. Some credit rests at the feet of the nd atheletic administration! Also, you can’t forget the inept stumbling, fumbling and bumbling players that embarrass themselves each week!! :-)

In an earlier time, Bob Davie would have double-bolted the drawbridge and ordered up another round of boiling oil--once an effective means of curbing dissent, but more difficult to do now over a DSL line.

Joe, you too old to change goat....Joe’s just a dinosaur....No high school prospect wants to play for him.

Years ago, when Happy Valley was still an emotionally accurate description and Joe Paterno reigned as the patron saint of Pennsylvania, “bulletin-board material” used to be a football coach’s best friend. Run out of ways to motivate your juniors and sophomores? Somewhere, a sportswriter was quoting a rival coach or player about your team, ready to ride to the rescue.

No more. The new bulletin boards belong to angry alums and never-satisfied need-a-life fanatics armed with rudimentary typing skills and Internet access, a dangerous combination. In recent weeks, Davie and Paterno have been ranked Nos. 1 and 2 as whipping posts for these college football message groups, so it’s probably best they steer clear of cyberspace. Paterno, 74, is probably too old to care and Davie, if you believe what is posted about him on the various Notre Dame “fan” sites, is too dumb to know how to log on.

But, an interesting thing happened over the weekend: Paterno and Davie won football games on the same day. Penn State, previously 0-4, upset Northwestern, 38-35, tying Paterno with Bear Bryant for most Division I coaching victories at 323. Meanwhile, Notre Dame, 2-3 after an 0-3 start, defeated intersectional rival USC, 27-16.

On the Blue White Illustrated message board, Paterno discovered the fountain of youth. In a span of 1 minute 39 seconds--the time it took freshman quarterback Zack Mills to drive the Nittany Lions 69 yards to the winning touchdown--Paterno was miraculously transformed from a doddering old fool still stubbornly clutching his 1968 playbook to wizened football sage full of fresh ideas and a young man’s spirit.

From “Wolfman”: Congratulations to Mr. Paterno. You have been a class act. I will be the first to admit that I have been a proponent of his resignation for the past three seasons, but I truly admire this man. He has brought nothing but honor and prestige to PSU....PSU fans, you have been fortunate to have had this man in your program for the past fifty years.

From “PTPSU”: As I watch the replays I cannot feel anything but ambulation for the football team and contempt for you on line fools. PATERNO IS 100% CORRECT. He likes this football team, so does countless others. Get a life! Support the team or SHUT UP!

Gimme an A, gimme an M, gimme a B-U-L-A ... uh ... T-I-O-N?

A retort from “FairfaxLion”: Ambulation is certainly an emotion that I’ve never felt before, so as one of the fools, I just had to pick up a dictionary and look it up. “Ambulate”--to walk about, move from place to place. Way to go, pinhead! Come on, tell the truth. You’re really an English Lit major from Pitt, right?

Poor Davie. He wins his third in a row, he defeats an age-old rival, but on the ESPN.com and msnbc.com Notre Dame message boards, he cannot buy a break.

From “creaseminder” : Please God, make Bob Davies a good coach. I know he’s not a smart man, but come on, a little help here. Never mind, some thing our beyond even you. I would settle for him being fired.

From “BruinBorg”: Be glad the remaining schedule is brutal. There is no way the ND can win the remaining games if Bob Davie is really as bad as everyone says he is. So things will take care of themselves. 4-7 will get rid of Davie, do not worry. Even 5-6 will get rid of Davie. However, if he finishes 9-3, then maybe you should cut him some slack.

Don’t count on it. Two days after Notre Dame’s triumph over the Trojans, “ND Tex” was moved to post lyrical:

Sing along to the tune of “Beverly Hillbillies”

Come and listen to my story ‘bout a man named Bob

Head defensive coach, but he didn’t like his job.

Then one season people gettin’ mad at Lou

So Bobby went ahead and pulled himself a coup

Head coach, that is. Top Dog. Numero Uno . . .

Well the next thing you know, old Bob’s runnin’ the show

And ND football really starts to ****

(Editor’s note: Last verb, rather crude, was deleted for taste reasons. What do you think we are, a college football message board?)

And now this season he opens oh and three

And the Irish all wish he’d go back to RC.

Slocum, that is. Texas A&M.; Aggies.

Bye Bob

Go Irish!

What does that say for USC’s Pete Carroll, the man who lost Saturday’s game to Davie?

In something of an upset, some posters on the USCfootball.com message board continue to preach patience. At least for the moment.

From “haskinlaw”: I have been reading that we need a new coach. This is ridiculous. Trojan fans need to wake up and realize that the program is rebuilding....I believe highly in our coaching. I believe in what Carroll is doing.

A reasonable, rational sentiment. But then, it’s early.

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Next for Penn St.

Joe Paterno needs one more victory to pass Bear Bryant for all-time victories. Remaining games for Penn State:

Ohio State (4-2)--Saturday

at Illinois (6-1)--Nov. 10

Indiana (1-5)--Nov. 17

at Michigan St. (3-2)--Nov. 24

at Virginia (3-4)--Dec. 1