City of Paramount, Call Paramount Pictures With Those Municipal Dramas

With TV’s obsession for reality shows, I’m surprised none of the networks have thought of dramatizing the city of Paramount’s monthly newsletter. What a hit it could be, chock-full of colorful items such as this: “A local beauty salon owner came in to complain that another salon owner was stealing her styles. Apparently she came to the Planning counter after she’d visited the Sheriff’s station and was unsuccessful in filing a theft report.”

Language! Gordon Shaffer of Yorba Linda noticed that someone applied the brakes too early to a brake shop’s banner, with rather disastrous results (see photo).

Which reminds me: The news that Chairman Robert Brooks of Hooters restaurants may buy bankrupt Vanguard Airlines Inc. inspired KNX commentator Dave Ross to speculate--or should I say fantasize?--about the outfits that would be worn by stewardesses on a Hooters-owned airline. The life-vest instructions, he figured, would be closely watched by at least half the passengers. And he wondered whether this would be the first airline to invite meal tips.

Parking is such street sorrow: I’ve rarely seen such a battle of dueling arrows and signs as the one Phil Proctor spotted (but did not park near) in West Hollywood (see photo).

Unauthorized autobiography: Sports anchor Bill Weir, who is leaving KABC-TV, told the media Web site www.ronfineman.com that one of the reasons he was disenchanted was an incident involving a tongue-in-cheek bio he wrote for Channel 7’s Web site.

The bio said that, in addition to handling sports, Weir also did “yardwork around the station on weekends.” It continued: “Bill was orphaned at a young age and raised by a family of squirrels.” And Weir wrote that his first career break was a job in Austin, Minn., “renowned as the birthplace of Spam.”

But Channel 7 expunged that bio and replaced with it with a serious one as exciting as Spam.

Food for thought: Raul Roa saw an ad for an odd type of gift at one eatery (see photo). Surprised by the spelling, perhaps.

Remembering Chick: The death of broadcaster Chick Hearn has prompted the L.A. Press Club to postpone the All Media Bowl-a-Thon, which Hearn was to emcee. An award named for Hearn will be presented.

Years ago, Hearn presided over a local TV game show called “Bowling for Dollars.” Like the host of the current “Weakest Link” show, Hearn sometimes played the role of caustic commentator for humorous effect. A contestant once told Hearn that her goal was to win enough money to go to Las Vegas. But she rolled two gutter balls, whereupon he wisecracked that she wasn’t “even going to Pomona.” Yet Hearn delivered the jests in such a way that the contestants laughed along too.

miscelLAny: To mark the 25th anniversary of Elvis Presley’s retreat from view, Wickes Furniture unveiled a line of furniture in his name. But columnist David Allen of the Inland Valley Bulletin was puzzled that the Elvis Presley Collection is limited to bedroom sets. “An Elvis kitchen,” he pointed out, “could have a double-wide refrigerator and oven perfect for making a hunka-hunka burning pot roast.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.