Baseball’s Ball Battle

First of all, both grown men should go stand in separate corners and ponder their behavior in this feud over a used baseball. Last year, Alex Popov caught Barry Bonds’ record 73rd home run with a glove he happened to be wearing in the right-field stands of PacBell Park. That’s on videotape. So is the instant assault by a mob of men (so far uncharged). And so, soon after, is the emergence from the melee of Patrick Hayashi, holding the ball. Superior Court Judge Kevin McCarthy has ordered the ball be sold and the estimated $1 million-plus proceeds split equally. He’s waiting 10 days to see if the litigants grow up and agree.

We appreciate the judge’s earnest attempt at Solomonic justice. He could have proposed slicing the ball in half to see which man relinquished his claim in order to keep the ball whole. The judge’s lawyerly reasoning addressed what constitutes possession. But many questions remain: Did Popov have both feet inbounds for the catch? Was Hayashi a legal substitution? Who owns the movie rights? Why would Popov use a softball glove at a hardball game?

It’s very American to fight fiercely for your rights, especially if you can get rich doing so. It’s also very American to sue in court, even over a game, then appeal if you lose. That perhaps helps explain why an overwhelming majority of humanity opts not to live the American way.

Here’s an un-American solution to the Great Bonds Baseball Ball Battle: Take this sacred orb from the bank vault, mix it into a bin of, say, 49 other scuffed baseballs. Ask Bonds to sign all 50, then auction them one by one to bidders who can claim they each own the real McCoy. Split the enormous financial proceeds to buy new baseballs for Little League teams whose youngsters spent the last 14 months watching this spectacle of alleged adults. The kids will say, “Thank you.” And everyone in the feud can say another two words: “I’m sorry.”