It Was All in the Name of Summerall, Apple Pie

My Super Bowl Diary: Day 7

NEW ORLEANS--Before we could make our way into the Superdome Sunday to hear Paul McCartney sing about “Freedom,” we were told to arrive “at least four hours early and naked” for Super Bowl 36.

That’s no big deal for the people accustomed to spending time in this den of iniquity, of course, because you take a walk down Bourbon Street and you see women lifting their tops for a few beads. You see that happen two or three hundred times a day and you no longer take that much notice.

But I wanted to make sure Plaschke, Pucin, Farmer and Oates--our Times team for Super Bowl 36--understood the NFL advisory for Super Bowl 36 was just a figure of speech, you know, to avoid any awkward moments.

And although I’m not allowed to write about Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx, I thought about contacting the Rams with a clarification to spare her any embarrassment, but then I decided--never mind.

Freedom, of course, is a wonderful thing. And as long as you left your car behind, walked to the Superdome, found an opening in the eight-foot fence surrounding the whole area, agreed to be patted down from head to toe and everywhere in between, emptied your pockets at a second checkpoint and were not thrown by the number of Secret Service, M-16-armed National Guard and police glaring at you suspiciously, you were allowed to hand someone your $400 ticket and buy beer in a plastic bottle. I guess that’s why there were no no-shows.

Once in the building, it was the Super Bowl over-the-top as usual, and I’m sure the NFL inquired about cutting a hole into each end of the Superdome to allow a fly-by by F-16s, but apparently it was denied.

John Travolta opened the hoopla with a prerecorded message, which didn’t allow him the freedom to make an impromptu pitch for the Church of Scientology.

Barry Manilow kicked off the lip-syncing contest. And then for the next hour--between commercials and the crowd chanting “Go Rams,” and “Go Pats”--the NFL tried to reinforce Commissioner Paul Tagliabue’s empirical claim in the $15 Super Bowl program that “nothing is more American than the Super Bowl.”

The Rams were introduced first, and then New England came out as a team, passing on the individual opportunity to mug for the cameras, which means Keyshawn Johnson will never agree to play for New England.

THE FIRST Britney Spears’ commercial came after each team had punted, and it’s a good thing they weren’t waiting to air it after the Rams had scored their first touchdown. Most people, of course, were expecting “The Greatest Show on Turf,” but instead for three quarters got a look at the brand of Jim Everett-Dieter Brock-T.J. Rubley football that used to be played in Anaheim.

The Rams had played their way through the season with the arrogance that comes with scoring more than 500 points three consecutive years. But they also had left themselves vulnerable--leading the league in turnovers. In their only two losses before Sunday, they had turned the ball over 13 times--and against jarring defenses in Tampa Bay and New Orleans. The wrecking ball would come finally in the form of the Patriots, and three more turnovers would ultimately be the Rams’ undoing.

“Being fast is not enough,” said Patriot defender Lawyer Milloy. “The whole game you have to hit, and they weren’t up to that.”

But that’s Xs and O’s stuff, and really there’s nothing more appealing to Americans than rooting for the underdog, which is why the NFL arranged it so the Patriots would beat the Raiders in the snow, and eventually play in Super Bowl 36.

I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but I’m sure the NFL also had a hand in the Patriots springing one of the biggest upsets in Super Bowl history in a game dedicated to patriotism. I know this, if the whole thing was scripted, I’m not surprised they picked a guy from USC to fill the role of bad guy and lend a little realism to this Cinderella story.

If New England defender Willie McGinest didn’t bear hug Marshall Faulk and get caught for holding--something he obviously was taught while playing for the Trojans, Tebucky Jones’ 97-yard touchdown return of a Kurt Warner fumble would have given the Patriots a 24-3 lead and probably negated the sizzling finish.

The penalty on McGinest put the Rams in position to score a touchdown, and I would imagine there were high-fives all around at Fox now that everyone had to stay around and see how this one would end.

The Rams scored again--because the script called for it; and with 1:21 to play in a tie game, the Patriots had the ball at their own 17-yard line. John Madden was saying on Fox that New England should run out the clock, because that would give Fox the first Super Bowl to go into overtime and at the same time extend Pat Summerall’s career. Madden used to coach the Raiders, so if the NFL fix was in, there’s no way the league would have tipped him off.

The rest is NFL history, the the field goal going through with two seconds to play in regulation and the Rams not even bothering to get the seconds put back on the clock and hang around for a kickoff return a la Cal against Stanford--this time through the maze of confetti and photographers. That would have been some finish.

But it’s like my new favorite singer, Paul Hewson--you know, Bono--crooned at halftime, no matter who won this game in the end, everyone went home safe--and it was “A Beautiful Day.”

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.