It Could Be Assign of the Apocalypse

Page 2 of Wednesday’s sports section contained six of the most frightening words in the sports world: “T.J. Simers is on assignment.”

Where is he and what is he doing? Is he prowling the streets in Philadelphia wearing a black turtleneck and smoking a cigar to see if those guys are as tough as their e-mails? Maybe he donned a straw hat and a corncob pipe and is at a 4-H rally in Omaha to see if those rubes he skewered are really as backward as he claims.

My guess is that he is down at the local phone company with a made-up subpoena trying to get the unlisted home telephone numbers of Steve Sample and Mike Garrett.

Doug Hays

Glendale