And on the Seventh Day, the Lakers Played Again

A mad-cap recap of current events or, as it is has often been hyperbolized, “the most exciting two minutes in sports [writing].”

News item: Lakers finally resume play after a one-week layoff between playoff games.

Second thought: Not to suggest seven days is a long time between center jumps, but we offer three events that were completed in less time:

Six-Day War (1967). Started June 5 and ended June 10.

The Battle of Gettysburg.

Fastest Pacific Ocean crossing. In 1973, the container ship “Sea-Land Commerce” crossed the Pacific in 6 days 1 hour 27 minutes.

What about the Moon launch? Sorry, it just missed the cut. The Apollo 11 Mission in 1969, blast off to splash down, took 8 days 3 hours 18 minutes.

News item: War Emblem wins Kentucky Derby.

Second thought: I never tire of heart-tugging yarns about down-on-their-luck Saudi Arabian princes who overcome adversity by purchasing the winning horse for $900,000 three weeks before the big race.

News item: Kentucky Derby dubbed “the most exciting two minutes in sports.”

Second thought: Not true. A recent Gallup Poll determined the most exciting two minutes are (1) NBA analyst Bill Walton trying to explain what he just said on the air, (2) Anna Kournikova walking off a tennis court after a loss, (3) Dodger fans racing to their cars after the seventh-inning stretch.

News item: Jerry West leaves Lakers to become president of Memphis Grizzlies.

Second thought: Do they now add claws and big ears to the NBA logo? At $5 million a year, should West now be known as “Mr. Clutch[bag]”?

No joke, this is a gut-punch to middle-age men who came of sporting age in Los Angeles. For those of us weaned before nightly ESPN highlights and before Laker home games were televised, West was almost a mythical figure.

He was part player, part basketball god, part ace bandage, and part creation of Chick Hearn’s vivid radio descriptions.

To a 12-year-old kid in 1970, West came alive on a black box radio, with a large white, rotary tuner dial. I didn’t see his 60-foot shot in Game 3 of the 1970 NBA Finals, but I still hear it. I remember dancing in my parents’ kitchen in the incomprehensible moment Chick shrieked West had swished the shot; remember more the sinking feeling that followed after New York had the gall to win the game in overtime.

I didn’t see West finally lead the Lakers to the NBA title in 1972, but I recall flying out the front door moments after the long-awaited victory and blaring the horn of our family station wagon for what seemed like five minutes.

Mr. Clutch has some nerve leaving our clutches after, what, 42 years?

For those of us who recently turned Jerry West’s number, 44, all we can do now is cling to memories.

News item: High school squad in Florida wins national cheerleading competition with help from nonstudent ringer from out of state.

Second thought: Up the alley, down the street, who’s the toughest team to beat? The squad with that 30-year-dude from Texas, named Pete.

News item: Mike Tyson trains in Maui for June 8 fight with Lennox Lewis.

Second thought: Highlights from recent press junket to island include Tyson telling woman he doesn’t grant interviews to female reporters unless he has slept with them, Tyson telling reporters he’d like to stomp on their children, Tyson admitting he bit Lewis in leg during that news conference fracas.

Prediction: Elvis has a better chance of showing up in Memphis than this fight coming off as scheduled.

News item: Chargers sign kick returner Tamarick Vanover, who spent two months in jail for his role in a stolen-car case.

Second thought: Vanover tells team there’s no need to pick him up at the airport. He’ll find his own transportation.

News item: Washington Redskins sign quarterback Shane Matthews.

Second item: That makes five former Florida Gators on the roster, all part of Coach Steve Spurrier’s five-point rebuilding plan that includes trying to get Citadel on the schedule.

News item: Chinese basketball star Yao Ming jumps through hoops for NBA scouts at Chicago workout.

Second thought: If Ming leaves his home team, the Shanghai Sharks, will he have to turn in his little red (play) book?

More on Ming: The Chinese government reportedly will garnish half of Ming’s NBA salary, while the Sharks also will get a significant share.

Also, and we’re not quite sure how this happened, Don King gets a 25% cut.

News item: ESPN wants to follow Ray Lewis with around-the-clock camera coverage for look at the life of the Baltimore Raven All-Pro linebacker.

Second thought: Too bad ESPN didn’t have cameras rolling the night of that post-Super Bowl party in Atlanta when Lewis and associates were “innocent” bystanders to a street brawl that left two men dead.

News item: Tony-award-winning actor Brian Dennehy phones Bob Knight to apologize for his poor portrayal of the coach in “A Season On The Brink.”

Second thought: This really happened, according to a gossip item in the Minneapolis Star Tribune. It got us wondering about a few other portrayals that warranted apologies.

William Bendix to Babe Ruth (“The Babe Ruth Story”).

Tony Perkins to Jimmy Piersall (“Fear Strikes Out”).

Muhammad Ali to Muhammad Ali (“The Greatest”).

Jackie Robinson to Jackie Robinson (“The Jackie Robinson Story”).

News item: NCAA certifies three more bowl games for next season.

Second thought: That brings the total to 28 and makes three more bowls UCLA can turn down next year.

News item: Notre Dame football bars cameras from filming spring workouts.

Second thought: Any chance of extending that policy to regular-season games?