Fox Puts Imprint on Augusta Debate

For those who figured Augusta National Golf Club would admit a female member before Martha Burk appeared on the “Best Damn Sports Show Period,” you guessed wrong.

It was a fleeting appearance, conducted via remote Wednesday, and a bizarre one, conducted on a show whose coverage of women’s issues normally begins and ends with Tom Arnold leering at Lisa Guerrero’s legs.

But no doubt about it, that was Burk, president of the National Council of Women’s Organizations, arguing her case for inclusion in America’s most prestigious golf club for a few minutes before Arnold and the gang could exhale and move on to the finger-wrestling highlights from Germany.

What next -- Hootie Johnson’s rebuttal, tomorrow, on “The View”?

Then again, when you ponder it a bit, Burk on the “Best Damn Sports Show” makes sense, seeing as how these things tend to happen in threes.

The New York Times editorial page already had weighed in on the women-at-Augusta issue.

So had Jesse Jackson.

Clearly, it was time to get John Kruk’s perspective.

Burk, who holds a PhD in psychology, is a shrewd campaigner. She knows she’s preaching to the choir when she appears on PBS or writes for The Nation. This public-relations war over who belongs and who doesn’t at Augusta has turned nasty, and it’s not going to be won on the high road, but in the gutter. That’s where Fox comes in.

Johnson, the chairman of Augusta National, isn’t playing fair. After this issue seemed to be simmering on a backburner, Johnson caught wind of some mild dissent within the ranks and determined he had better quash it and quash it loudly. So Hootie carefully devised his game plan:

Alert the media!

(But not all of them. Those critters are pesky! If only they’d let us poison their pimento cheese sandwiches, but, dadgum it, the marshal says we can’t be doin’ that.)

Hootie’s plan was to hand-pick a few influential publications and invite them to fly in a reporter for a personal one-on-one spin session with the big guy, provided the interview stayed well within the bounds of a very narrow fairway and the result would not be published until a mutually agreed-upon date.

Hootie fired his salvo, which was to repeat: The old boys are united -- no girls allowed.

Ever since, Burk has been on the counterattack. She finds herself trying to win over two tough constituencies. Wednesday, Burk decided that since she’s not getting anywhere with Hootie, she might as well take her case to the blowhards.

Interestingly, most of the blowhards were on the bench when Burk’s face flashed across the split screen for her debate with Renee Giachino, senior vice president for the Center for Individual Freedom. Coach’s decision. This was a serious issue, deserving of thoughtful, intelligent consideration.

If you’re running this show, are you going to let Arnold or Michael Irvin anywhere near it?

You never know with Fox. In an upset, they sent Arnold, Irvin and John Salley to the sideline, off camera, but figured they couldn’t shove host Chris Rose out there by himself. They decided they needed someone with him for emotional support, someone who could ask a serious question, or at least read one off a TelePrompTer.

Working with a very thin roster, they opted to go with the best athlete available, Kruk.

First, of course, the issue had to be taken down to the show’s usual playing level.

“Still to come,” the promo teased, “we’ll get the true story behind Augusta-GATE! The leading women behind the controversy TELL ALL!”

With or without a wrestling tub filled with lime Jell-O? Until the end of the commercial break, who could know for sure?

Burk and Giachino appeared on the split screen, apparently fully clothed, and politely laid out both sides of the argument. Burk said she has no quarrel with Tiger Woods, who to this point has declined to take up the New York Times on its suggestion he boycott next year’s Masters. “Our quarrel is with Augusta National Golf Club,” she said. “They’re the one doing the discriminating.”

An eerie, uneasy hush fell over the panel and studio audience.

Please! Somebody tell a Manute Bol joke!

It was quiet. Too quiet. Until Giachino began to argue that “the First Amendment and freedom of association is color-blind. It does not choose among religions, it does not choose among sex, it does not choose between short, tall, fat or thin.”

Burk: “Well, Renee, I think you need to go bone up on your law a little bit....”

Studio audience: “Oooooohhhh!”

What was this? Graduate-degree trash talk? Bring it on!

That, however, was as heated as the exchange got. With attention spans running on empty, Rose quickly brought the debate to a close and thanked the women for their time.

“Hey, look, Krukkie,” Rose said. “Right or wrong, whatever side you want to get on, it’ll be interesting to see what sort of measures are taken next April.”

“Yeah,” Krukkie replied, “April is going to be a fun month to watch when the Masters starts rolling around to see what is going to be done at the tournament and what’s going to be done after the tournament. Are they going to allow a female member?”

While we pondered the weighty ramifications, the “Best Damn Sports Show” had to run. It had wandered outside its comfort zone for far too long.

Hey, how about those basketball-playing elephants in Thailand?