These Were Real No-Brainers

On a slow-witted 12th Sunday of this NFL season, on a very dumb day afternoon, who uttered the following timeless words:

“I was going down and I had the wrong brain cell reacting and I tried to do something stupid. I can’t tell you why I did it.”

Was it:

a) Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre after throwing four interceptions in a 21-7 loss at Tampa Bay and handing over possession, at least temporarily, of the NFC’s home-field advantage to the Buccaneers?

b) St. Louis Coach Mike Martz after bypassing a score-tying, chip-shot field goal with 17 seconds to play, telling Kurt Warner to go for the win and then watching the Rams lose the ball and the game to Washington on the very next play, 20-17?

c) Detroit Coach Marty Mornhinweg after winning the overtime coin toss and electing to kick, then turning a Chicago fourth down into a third down by accepting a holding penalty that gave the Bears two cracks at first down, a couple of fog-headed decisions that eventually produced a 20-17 Chicago victory?

d) Arizona quarterback Jake Plummer after his no-look, behind-the-back lateral resulted in a turnover and Oakland’s first touchdown in the Raiders’ 41-20 road triumph?

For the record, the words belonged to Plummer, but he could have been speaking for the group, and then some, on a day when many shrewd NFL minds, and Mornhinweg’s, seemed to be moving in slow motion.

In Tampa, Fla., where the Packers and Buccaneers were locked in a struggle for NFC supremacy and/or a few hours of hanging out with good buddies Favre and Warren Sapp as they winked, laughed and hung out for a while, the smart money was on the Buccaneers.

For one, the Buccaneers have never lost to Green Bay at Raymond James Stadium. Before Sunday’s game, Favre and the Packers were 0-4 there.

For another, the Buccaneers play for excitable boy Jon Gruden, who had his players whipped into an emotional frenzy for this one, playing on the most primal instinct of all, abject fear.

The Buccaneers and the Packers began the game with the same record, 8-2, amid much pregame talk about the teams meeting again in the NFC championship game. The Buccaneers were afraid they might have to play that game at Lambeau Field, where the Packers have never lost a playoff game, and in weather colder than 34 degrees. The Buccaneers have never won while playing under those conditions.

As Gruden pitched it to them, it was win now or freeze later.

What followed were four quarters of anti-freeze, highlighted by a defensive charge that harassed Favre into four interceptions -- giving him seven in Green Bay’s last two games, both losses. It also included a crushing, open-field block by Tampa Bay’s Sapp on Green Bay offensive tackle Chad Clifton after Favre was intercepted in the third quarter by Brian Kelly.

Sapp flattened Clifton, who injured his hip on the play and had to be carted off the field.

Worse than that, in the view of Packer Coach Mike Sherman, Sapp seemed to celebrating Clifton’s misfortune by standing tauntingly over the fallen player.

After the game, Sapp and Sherman exchanged angry words. Sherman thought the play was “kind of cheap.” Sapp said the hit was legal and noted that “I didn’t pick him up and slam him. What’s the problem here?”

That’s the question fans and media have been asking all season in St. Louis, home of the defending NFC champion Rams, also known as the Team That Forgot How to Win With Kurt Warner. Warner, winner of two of the last three league most-valuable-player awards, went 0-4 during an incredible September before breaking the little finger on his passing hand on Sept. 29.

The Rams lost their first game without Warner, then switched to third-stringer Marc Bulger, who promptly reeled off five consecutive victories, then injured one of his fingers. Martz went back to Warner on Sunday, a decision that yielded sound enough numbers: 34 for 49 for 301 yards, two touchdowns and one interception.

However, playing without the injured Marshall Faulk, Warner managed to produce only 17 points -- three fewer than the Redskins, although the Rams did have the ball at the Washington six with 17 seconds left.

A field goal from there was virtually a sure thing. But Martz bypassed it to go for the touchdown. When Redskin linebacker LaVar Arrington bypassed the St. Louis offensive line to strip Warner of the ball, setting up teammate Daryl Gardener’s recovery at the 13, Warner dropped to 0-5 and the Rams to 5-6 and all but waiting for next season.

“I just made a bad call at the end,” Martz said. “We lost this one on a coaching error at the end.”

So did the Lions, which is nothing really new, although Mornhinweg’s unique handling of the overtime period against the Bears does make you wonder: Is he coaching to get the Lions a better draft choice? And if he is, when does the NFL adopt the lottery system?

As anyone who has watched the NFL recently can tell you, when you win the overtime coin toss, you take the ball. Every time. There could be a tornado twisting, a dam bursting, a hurricane howling. If you win the toss, you take ball. Can’t win the game without it.

Detroit won the toss and decided to kick.

Mornhinweg said he wanted the Lions to have the wind at their back, presumably to help expedite their post-loss sprint back to the locker room.

After that, the Lions tried to regroup. Mornhinweg couldn’t. On third and five from the Detroit 35, the Bears were flagged for holding. Decline the penalty and Chicago is facing either a punt or a 52-yard field-goal attempt -- into the wind that had Mornhinweg so worried. Accept the penalty, and Chicago has two plays to gain 18 yards and extend the drive.

Mornhinweg took the penalty, Chicago took the victory. Two passes gained the Bears the necessary yardage for the first down, setting up Paul Edinger’s winning 41-yard field goal moments later.

Afterward, Mornhinweg tried to explain himself. He said he took the wind because “all the points in the second half were down at the other end.” (Not that there were many scored on either side of the field; these were the Lions and Bears playing.) He said he had a lot of confidence in the Detroit defense and “I simply wanted to put our team in the best position to win.”

When the Lions lost, their 14th road loss in a row, reporters went hunting for second guesses. Detroit running back James Stewart acknowledged that “Hindsight’s 20/20. He’s the head coach. He gets paid to make those decisions.”

Although the educated guess would be: not for much longer.

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Woes of Warner

Comparing St. Louis Ram quarterbacks Kurt Warner and Marc Bulger this season:

*--* Warner Bulger 0-5 Record 5-0 15.6 Points (Avg.) 28.2 9 Interceptions 4 3 Touchdowns 12 239.8 Pass Yards (Avg.) 299.2

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