These Fans Set to Check Him Into the Boards

These people live among you:

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Krisag: “I used to respect you. How dare you bash your own home-town team just because you could not go to the Angels game. You are the most negative, arrogant journalist the Times has ever had. If you don’t like hockey, then leave the business. Go to hell ...”

Too many hockey fans already there.

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Dave Cook: Let’s see, Wayne Gretsky and T.J. Simers. One person has achieved greatness, left records that will never be broken, is a role model and loved in Los Angeles. The other, a despicable human being, an ingrate, a leech, and despised in L.A.”

Thank you for spelling my name correctly.

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Tom Scarpelli: “I’m convinced the Internet is mainly for idiots or Disney marketing people. Here’s Sunday’s CNN/SI sports poll (on the Internet): What is the main reason for the Angels (success)? Quality starters: 18%; Glaus’ clutch hits: 12%; Lights-out bullpen: 21%; The rally monkey: 49%.”

You would know more about that than I would.

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Werner Haas: “Here’s the most disturbing thought of the week: If Charles Darwin is correct, we are all descended from the rally monkey.”

That would explain why Rex Hudler is always jumping up and down.

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Kathy Hacker: “I appreciated your reminding Tom Lasorda about Jim Tracy’s dog’s mistreatment of the Rally Monkey -- it’s one thing to let your dog tear the monkey up, but it’s quite another to laugh about the fact that there was nothing left but the eyes. I don’t see the Dodgers anywhere today. Fear the wrath of the Rally Monkey.”

I fear Tracy’s dog more.

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Rev. Ginny Wagener: “I thought your column on the Rally Monkey was laughing out loud funny. I am feeling now I have misjudged your sense of humor.”

Rev., it takes some of us longer to get religion than others.

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Gretchen: “Gretzky has been a great role model for youngsters throughout his career. Would you rather have athletes like Iverson, Sprewell, Steve Howe and Strawberry be the type of people our youth aspire to be one day?”

Yes. I write columns, and I’d like to have something interesting to write about.

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CaptBobOU: “I’ve never wanted to waste my time responding to your column, but after your (Gretzky column), I couldn’t help myself. Here’s a list of L.A. sports figures you don’t mess with: Chick Hearn, Vin Scully, Sandy Koufax, Magic Johnson and Wayne Gretzky.”

And all this time I’ve been backing off John Wooden and that silly pyramid pabulum he spews because I thought he was on the list.

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Philip Golden: “Sacred Cows. Rule No. 1 in my mind being a sports writer in L.A.: Don’t mess with Tommy Lasorda.”

We all could lose a few pounds, but I would never call Lasorda a cow.

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Lori Kamler: “You were wrong about the Angels ... from the few times I have read the Los Angeles Times, I gather you’re a Dodgers’ fan.”

I can’t get anything past you.

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Jon McNatty: “I would expect the Times to actually cover the event for Gretzky with some class and respect for what he has done for the game and the city. Instead they send a reporter who obviously does not understand the game of hockey or its history.”

I disagree. I think Helene Elliott is a terrific hockey writer. You have to be a terrific hockey writer to get me to read a hockey story, and I read one of hers once.

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C Christmas: “Try to keep an open mind about soccer in the U.S. I started watching six years ago and now enjoy it most of all major sports.”

I’m not surprised it took a team that long to score a goal.

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Chris Vetti: “Hey moron, plenty of people enjoy hockey in L.A, and as for Mr. Gretzky’s taste in women, you would never had a chance at his wife in a million years.”

I’d have been willing to call her “The Great One.”

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Mark Romero: “You’re a jerk, and I intend to tell anyone who will listen.”

I guess that’s why you had to come to me.

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Matt Murray: “I’ll add your comments to my 999 reasons to hate T.J. Simers. Instead of being such a basketball honk, try showing some respect to a sport that you obviously have no understanding about, and write it straight.”

You got something against alternative writing?

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Gary Wilson: “What a sad life you must lead.”

Sports columnist Bill Plaschke is thinking about writing a column about me.

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Vinnie Aven: “It’s a wonder your teeth haven’t been knocked out by Adam Deadmarsh. I hope he doesn’t do an awful thing like that; what he should really do is break every one of your fingers so you can’t type.”

Isn’t that a little extreme? I only type with two fingers.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes from Charlie Boule:

“I’m sharing this letter I just forwarded to my dad, who was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer: ‘Dad, I’ll never forget the time we went to an Angels’ game and stood around waiting to get an autograph. I remember going from one player to the next. After I received an autograph from Albie Pearson, I patiently waited in line for my next signature. Once the crowd thinned, I noticed a familiar face, and he was no Angel. I pushed a kid to the side and said, ‘Excuse me, that’s my dad, he’s not on the Angels.’ You looked at me, smiled, and said, ‘Wait your turn, kid, I’ll be with you in a moment.’ Little did I realize, but with all the autographs I received that day none would hold a candle to Jim Boule’s signature, and the lasting impression you left with me -- as my one and only role model.”

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.