Burglary Suspect Found More Than He Bargained for Behind Door No. 3

Today’s stupid-criminal-tricks dispatch concerns a burglar who was first stunned to find that the Hollywood apartment he’d entered was occupied by the resident. Then, when the intruder fled, his escape was slowed by the fact that he ran into a closet. He eventually found the real front door but was apprehended on the street. Officers “showed him the back door of a police car and the back seat too,” commented the Thin Blue Line, the Los Angeles police union’s newspaper. “No way out of that one.”

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Under a misspell: Dolores Russell of Huntington Beach received a political mailer from a group that probably won’t win the votes of many school teachers (see accompanying).

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Unclear on the concept: Cary Gepner of Topanga discovered a not-so-bottomless pit (see photo).

Speaking of the pits, Mark Zeavin of Altadena came across a type of gas heater I’ve never heard of, and don’t want to know anything about (see accompanying).

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Could have fooled me: In Nevada, C. V. Di Pol of Woodland Hills spotted a residence whose owners didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about the furnishings in the frontyard.

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Child’s play: While discussing the theft of a tomato from a resident’s bush by a woman pushing a baby stroller, I recalled a Sue Grafton thriller in which a hit man would lug his child along on his jobs.

Well, Mil Harris of San Luis Obispo was reminded of growing up in New York City during Prohibition when “my father set up his big copper still in the bathtub every Friday night.” There would be no baths for her or her eight siblings that evening.

“When he had colored and bottled the whiskey,” Harris said, “he would tuck the pint bottles under the mattresses in our doll carriages. He’d send my sister Rita and me off with the same warning, ‘Get the money first before you give them the whiskey.’ Rita and I loved it because our shakier customers were so glad to see us, they tipped us generously.”

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A quarter for your thoughts: Don’t know if you’ve heard, but Gov. Gray Davis is asking folks to submit a coin design for the new California state quarter (this is not related to his never-ending appeals for folks to send him dollars in campaign contributions). Anyway, Davis wants a design that captures the heart of California. If you’d like to use the undeniable power of this column to push your cause, feel free to send me your sketch as well. If it’s weird enough, I’ll publish it.

Of course, I hardly need add that if the Angels win the World Series, only one figure should grace the coin: the sacred Rally Monkey.

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miscelLAny: I make it a policy to steer clear of sport utility vehicles, and I’d be doubly careful in the case of the one observed in Beverly Hills by Henry Hespenheide of L.A. This SUV’s vanity plate warned: UHITISU. Ah, the joy of driving in Southern California.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.