He’s Starting to Hang on Jackson’s Every Word

I saddled up next to Laker Coach Phil Jackson for his pre-game news conference in Staples Center, and knowing the importance of Tuesday’s game with Dallas, I didn’t want to upset him.

Of course, this would mean I’d have to keep my mouth shut, which I find impossible to do when listening to someone say something really ridiculous or stupid. For example, I would never attempt to do this while listening to one of Dodger Micro-Manager Jim Tracy’s pre-game talks.

Now I had no idea if Jackson was still peeved from our last meeting when I quizzed him about mishandling Kobe Bryant this season.

I wrote about that, and it’s a good thing he told me he doesn’t read the paper, because that made it a lot easier to really make fun of him, and then show up for his news conferences like I’m one of the other adoring members of the media who hang on his every word.

So I just stood there Tuesday right next to him, nodding at everything he had to say so I wouldn’t nod off, and when he had finished boring everyone, he turned to me and said: “Did you come here to give me moral support, or did you just want to be near me?” I deleted the swear word he used in there, so I could quote him in the newspaper.

I told him I was just there to “listen and learn,” and I’ll tell you, I learned a whole new way to use a particular swear word.

*

BLEEP! TO use a word Phil Jackson taught me. I’m telling you, bleep, as Phil Jackson might say, the Lakers sure can be frustrating to watch sometimes. Five games to go, and we’re all figuring whom they have to beat, and how high they can climb in the standings to avoid San Antonio and Sacramento and bleep, as Phil Jackson might put it, if they don’t seem to care as much as we do.

The first quarter has just ended and Kobe hasn’t even taken a shot yet, and playoff specialist Robert Horry is 0 for 3. I’ll tell you how bad it is, the Lakers’ leading scorer is Rick Fox, and when is the last time he scored enough to lead anyone in anything.

In the second quarter Shaq goes to the bench with 8:19 remaining -- not to return in the half -- with his third foul, and Kobe doesn’t score until he hits a free throw with 3:49 left in the second quarter. He’s taken four shots in 20 minutes of play, and Dallas is ahead by three at the half, and I wonder if they got together before the game to decide at what point they will turn it on tonight.

That’s what is so galling with these guys -- the way they flirt with disaster. The Lakers are sitting atop the sports story of the year, coming from eight games below .500 Christmas Day to 15 games above .500 before playing Dallas here, and if they were to go on and win a fourth title now -- it would validate them as the best team of all time with the ability to turn it on or off whenever they so choose.

Now some people might prefer to see their athletes play hard every night, but you see what’s happened to the Dodgers. They’ve played eight games already, and are complaining they’re just plumb tuckered out. (Imagine what the Dodgers’ record might be if they were pacing themselves like the Lakers.)

*

THE LAKERS have a one-point lead after three quarters, and Fox and Derek Fisher are tied for the team’s scoring lead with 16 each and when’s the last time someone not named O’Neal or Bryant led the team in scoring?

It’s anybody’s game, and then the Lakers turn it on. Bleep, it’s 104-89 nine minutes later and the Lakers have made it a rout. They can do whatever they please, apparently whenever they please, and I just wonder how many playoff games they intend to play before clinching another title.

I’d ask Jackson, but you know what he’d tell me.

*

DR. JOSEPH H. RIDGIK e-mailed to ask: “Please allow some of my feelings to be expressed in regards to the recent statements by the L.A. ‘Codgers,’ and the fatigue they’re experiencing. These are supposedly superbly trained athletes, who are extremely well (over ) paid. It must have been terrible to play two extra- inning games (and I stress-games.) The thought came to me that Mr. Grumpy could have gotten the corporate jet, but then I realized that’s for his private use only. This is the biggest bunch of whiners ever assembled.... I’m a physician and my specialty was ob-gyn, which I did for 25 years. It was not unusual to go without sleep for 48 hours at times, but I also maintained a full-time practice, performed surgery and taught medical students. I’m 71 years old and feel my stamina is as good as any of these bozos. If these guys can read, they should pick up a newspaper and read about the sleep-deprived GIs in Iraq.”

They’d insist on you buying the newspaper for them.

*

MR. GRUMPY’S FRIEND: “The kind of stuff you asked Brownie didn’t deserve any answers, and I think he showed the class you lack by not answering them.... If you are hard-pressed to find a topic to rag on

Somebody has to pay your friend’s salary and use of a private plane.

*

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Bill Hardin:

“After reading your article about (the LPGA’s Natalie Gulbis), I had to wonder if we were playing in the same foursome. Unlike you, I was in awe of Natalie... I was unaware a sportswriter possessed such superior knowledge of the human anatomy. While giving Natalie a high-five after sinking an eagle putt, I saw no phalanges abnormality, not even her little pinkie.”

I don’t know what you were looking at.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.