An Inquiring Mind Has His Own Set of Answers

I’ve got some questions:

Can someone explain to me why tickets for the Oct. 23 exhibition game between the Lakers and Clippers in the Arrowhead Pond went on sale Saturday?

The Clippers still have two more games to lose this season.

If successful in selling out such an event, and some tickets cost as much as $200, consider the interest it will draw sitting in the bank from now until October.

Maybe this is Donald Sterling’s way of coming up with the money to give Elton Brand a raise. It makes sense -- it wouldn’t cost him a dime.

*

What’s the best thing to happen in the world of sports in years?

The emergence of Martha Burk. So far she has given us a commercial-free Masters tournament, making this one of the best tournaments yet. I’d urge her to continue her protests, and put some pressure on some other sporting events too.

*

Can you imagine watching a commercial-free hockey game?

No, I can’t either.

*

Who are the luckiest people in the world?

The Angels. They play in Texas on Monday and Wednesday and won’t feel obligated to attend one of the Ducks’ playoff games here. “Maybe if there’s a Game 6 it will work out; I went to one in ’97 when they played Detroit,” said Angel outfielder Darin Erstad, who grew up in North Dakota and used to watch the local pond freeze over every year for excitement.

*

Do you know the name of the Ducks’ goalie?

Angel Manager Mike Scioscia: “Yes. John Sebastian Gugbligaluck ... well, I took a year of French in the ninth grade and you can see how well I did.” I’ll bet he’d have trouble with Patrick Waugh’s name too.

*

Speaking of the Angels, what’s the last thing the players see before they leave their Edison Field clubhouse every day?

On their right is an electrically lit-up sign of congratulations from Budweiser, and on the left is a wall-hanging of congratulations from Miller beer. I guess Disney just can’t decide what the beer of champions should be.

*

I know how much Scioscia wants to be the Dodger manager, so I asked him, “Are you as happy as I am that the Dodger-Giant game was rained out Saturday so the “tired Dodgers” could get some rest?”

Scioscia looked at me like I was trying to get him to say something really stupid. “What do you think, you can just throw some chum in the water and I’ll bite?” he said. (It usually works with Micro-Manager Jim Tracy.)

*

Was the baseball Hall of Fame correct in canceling a “Bull Durham” anniversary film festival because the movie’s stars, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, are known for their antiwar views?

It would’ve been amusing to remind the antiwar Robbins once again that he played a character whose name was “Nuke.” Beyond that, baseball goofed. Robbins and Sarandon were not scheduled to speak, and saying it didn’t want to politicize the event, the Hall of Fame did just that.

*

Folks have been kind of tough on Adrian Beltre. Isn’t there something positive that can be said about the Dodger third baseman?

He now has as many RBIs -- four -- as he has errors. He’s also hitting better than Fred McGriff. Of course, everyone in the world is hitting better than McGriff.

*

Do you agree with Times columnist Bill Plaschke that Tiger Woods should have taken a stronger stand in regards to women being included as members at Augusta National?

I suggested months ago that if Plaschke felt so strongly about CBS and the players not supporting such a restrictive club, he should do the same and not attend the Masters. But he said he had a job to do, and so did Tiger, who made the only statement he should be making this week: Moving from last place into contention to win it all. Who knows, we might even get an award-winning column out of Plaschke.

*

Didn’t you find it odd that Ernie Els was wearing a shirt and cap in the Masters with an emblem on each that read: “Sap”?

I presume he lost his suitcase, and borrowed clothes from Phil Mickelson.

*

What’s the downside of watching the final round of the Masters?

1) CBS’ insistence of playing that Masters reverential melody as if the conclave of cardinals is meeting to select a pope, 2) Listening to the flowery chatter of Jim “a tradition unlike any other” Nantz, 3) Just dreading that Nantz moment when he talks about a golfer’s courage in overcoming a bogey.

*

What have we learned early on in this baseball season?

The Dodgers better adopt a pet. Edison Field continues to rock -- 16 sellouts in the last 17 games, and in addition to the capacity crowd waving white T-shirts to implore the Angels to score, the rally monkey appeared and Anaheim immediately put five runs on the board in the bottom of the sixth. How about a Dodger rally donkey?

*

Are the Clippers clueless?

The NBA draft is expected to go three-deep at the top with potential superstars in LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony and Yugoslavia’s 7-0 Darko Milicic (who needs Michael Olowokandi?). So what do the Clippers do, they win Saturday to put themselves fifth before the ping-pong ball draw.

*

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Tom Nelson:

“Your column is one of the true joys of life. The insight and humor are OK, but the best thing about it is that whenever my wife says to me, ‘You are the most sarcastic, cynical man alive,’ all I have to do is pull out Page 2 to shut her up.”

Let’s see you pull this one out and show it to her.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.