Well, We Knew They Had a Lot of Psychos

John Canzano of the Oregonian consulted a psychic named Madame Mariel to see how the Portland Trail Blazers would fare in the second half of the NBA season.

“In a one-hour session, Mariel makes her way up and down the Blazers’ roster,” Canzano wrote. “She points out that Dale Davis needs love from his friends and family to perform at his highest level. She mentions that Ruben Patterson has a sweet side that he hides from teammates in order to be cool. And that Scottie Pippen worries a lot.”

As for ill-tempered forward Rasheed Wallace? Madame Mariel’s crystal ball predicted a cloudy future in Portland.

“This man already thinks he’d be better off playing on another team,” she said.

Trivia time: Which UCLA men’s basketball coach has the lowest all-time winning percentage?

Sad about Sandis: Greg Cote of the Miami Herald isn’t happy that Florida Panther All-Star defenseman Sandis Ozolinsh was traded to the Mighty Ducks in a four-player deal.

“This has the smell of a salary dump. All the way. Ozolinsh was making $5 million a year. It wasn’t a question of him having too little talent. It was a matter of his contract having too many commas.

“For Anaheim, acquiring Ozolinsh speaks well of a team fighting for a playoff spot, and acting like it. For [the Panthers], giving away their veteran anchor verifies a management saying, ‘Maybe next year. Or two years after that.’ ”

Kicking himself: Indianapolis kicker Mike Vanderjagt created a stir when he criticized Coach Tony Dungy and quarterback Peyton Manning earlier this week during a Canadian cable TV interview.

Bob Kravitz of the Indianapolis Star said Vanderjagt, a citizen of Canada, should have criticized one other person -- himself.

“I have a question: Do they have mirrors in Canada?” wrote Kravitz. “Vanderjagt said of his team, ‘I don’t see us getting better.’ Well, I don’t see Vanderjagt getting better, either. His field-goal accuracy numbers have gotten worse each of the past two years.

“He said Manning’s 0-3 playoff record is no coincidence. If memory serves, Vanderjagt missed a game-winning field goal against Miami three seasons ago that would have given his team -- and Manning -- a playoff win.”

Forty-Niner daze: Who will replace Steve Mariucci as San Francisco’s coach? Certainly not Bill Walsh, a Bay Area rumor trashed by San Jose Mercury News columnist Mark Purdy:

“The stories about him returning to the sideline are the ‘Joe Millionaire’ of sports rumors. They are entertaining at the time, but when you stop and actually use your brain, you wonder why you wasted time paying attention to them.

“The dreamy scenario most often floated -- that Walsh would keep the 49ers’ coaching seat warm for a season until Seattle’s Mike Holmgren shows up in 2004 -- is an LSD flashback fantasy.”

Trivia answer: Wilbur Johns was 93-120 (.437) from 1939-48.

And finally: Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press was surprised Tampa Bay finally won the Super Bowl.

“The Red Sea has parted, elephants can fly, insurance companies are cutting their rates in half, and Michael Jackson will win man of the year.”