For These Comics, It’s Always a Tough Crowd

Talk about a comedian’s nightmare.

Your audience is in a dour mood. No one wants to be there. There are no drinks to lighten the atmosphere, and your material must be clean. Worst of all, your comedy set can last four to eight hours.

Under these conditions, can anyone be funny?

That is the driving question at the dozens of comedy traffic school throughout the state. In the last 20 years, traffic schools that attempt to incorporate humor have proliferated like oversize SUVs on the Santa Monica Freeway. They go by such names as Comedy for Less Traffic School, Fun N Cheap Comedy Traffic School and Great Comedians Traffic School.

In Los Angeles County, nearly one out of every three traffic schools touts itself as comedic. It’s a testament to how desperate most prospective students are for a few laughs to alleviate the tedium of a typical traffic lecture.

But if you expect to find a truly great comedian at a traffic school, some talent agents and comedy club owners say, you have a better chance of finding a courteous driver on the San Diego Freeway.

“I’ve never heard anyone say, ‘You’ve got to see this guy. He is brilliant. He is playing at a traffic school,’ ” said Rich Super, an agent who works with such comedians as David Brenner, Shawn Wayans and Judy Tenuta.

Bruce Smith, a booking agent with Omnipop Talent Agency Inc., said traffic schools are probably the bottom-rung gig for comedians.

“I can’t picture a good comedian lowering themselves to that level,” he said.

He speaks from experience. Smith attended a comedy traffic school a few years ago but said the teacher’s act was so lousy -- including a bad Madonna impersonation -- that it felt like an eight-hour jail sentence.

Has any successful comedian ever started out as a traffic school teacher?

“I’ve never heard the term ‘traffic school’ used in this place,” said Dean Gelber, manager of the Comedy Store in Hollywood, an incubator for the careers of such noted comedians as David Letterman, Robin Williams and Arsenio Hall.

But traffic school owners disagree. They say comedy traffic schools have become a testing ground where struggling young comedians can try out new jokes and hone their skills in front of the toughest audiences in show biz.

Michael Marino, a comic who has performed with headliners such as Carrot Top and Andrew Dice Clay, is among those who have used the traffic school classroom as a practice stage for his act.

Although his career now seems on track, Marino said, he still teaches at the Improv Comedy Traffic School once a month to keep his skills sharp.

“It’s a great experience,” he said. “I recommend it to all comedians.”

For some comics, traffic school has become what a job waiting tables is to many struggling actors. Sadly, the pay is not much better than waiting tables. Some traffic schools pay teachers as little as $10 an hour, without tips.

Still, some comedians have made the leap out of traffic school and into show business.

Joey Randall, founder of Fun N Cheap Comedy Traffic School, said he is now trying to replace two teachers, one of whom he says left to work on a television series and another who left to work in movies.

“We are the springboard for a lot of people,” he said.

But even by traffic school standards, the humor at comedy traffic schools can be hit and miss. Although some traffic schools insist that all teachers have some professional stage experience, the standards at other schools are a joke.

“There are some out there that will hire you if you can just tell a joke,” said Randall.

To receive a teaching certificate, all traffic school instructors -- whether comedians or not -- must pass a written Department of Motor Vehicles test. The examination tests the applicants on the state’s driving laws, not on the rules of good joke-telling.

Larry Newell, a Los Angeles area resident who has attended traffic school several times, said he suffered through one of those unfunny comedy traffic schools about seven years ago.

“It wasn’t funny at all,” he said. “I think I enjoyed attending a traffic school taught by a police officer more than the one with the comedian.”

But he didn’t let that sour him on comedy traffic schools. He was laughing and smiling through a recent Improv Comedy Traffic School class taught in Burbank by Kenny Morse, a longtime teacher and actor who goes by the moniker “Mr. Traffic.”

A onetime child actor, Morse is not a professional comedian, but he has taught the class for 15 years. He also hosts radio and cable television call-in shows about driving.

Morse has a manic, in-your-face comedy style. Throughout his class, he likes to shout out, “STUPID!!!” to explain why a driver might, say, honk at a police car or speed through a school zone. He is not above using props. If a student begins to doze in class, he arms himself with an annoyingly loud megaphone.

During a recent class, he spent most of the time talking about safe driving habits. But he sprinkled in a few one-liners, such as: “How can you tell if you are on a French airliner? The hair under the wings.”

Morse tell his students that he likes to play country and western music backward so the singer ends up getting his house, his truck and his wife back.

But comedy is a subjective art form. Not everyone appreciates a poke at the French or a jab at country music.

During his recent class, a student who identified himself as Brandon sat grim-faced through most of the 3 1/2-hour session while others laughed and smiled.

Still, Morse said the comedy is only the vehicle for the message.

He said the jokes are just a way to keep his students alert while he tries to instill a lesson about traffic safety.

“It’s a very tough gig teaching traffic school,” Morse said in an interview. “If you get them to laugh, you can hold their attention.”

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