Billboard and Church, You Might Say, Are on Opposite Sides of the Street

An ESPN billboard in Hollywood proclaims: “Without sports there’d be no reason to wake up early Sunday mornings.” Which might get an argument from the folks who gather in a building facing the sign: the Hollywood United Methodist Church.

Guide to adventurous dining: Today’s specials (see above) include:

Egg rolls that illustrate the maxim that there’s no such thing as a free lunch (Gary Weinstein of North Hollywood).

A real tossed salad (Terry Markowitz of Laguna Beach, who suspects the menu was supposed to say “frisee”).

A fattening rug (Anne Orcutt of Fullerton).

A restaurant sign with a key letter missing (Ed Schlossman of Thousand Oaks).

And finally, in the Northern California town of Paradise, the arrival of some mystery meat.

Lighten up, DWP! For some time, the Department of Water and Power has been broadcasting various radio ads touting itself as L.A.’s “home team” because it furnishes power to the various ballparks and stadiums. But the ad that accompanies UCLA basketball games has assumed a threatening tone, inasmuch as the Bruins are off to their worst start in more than half a century.

In the spot, the DWP says: “As long as the Bruins keep producing star athletes and star students, we’ll keep the lights on.” OK, the days of star basketball players at UCLA are gone, but gee, that’s no reason to darken Pauley Pavilion. At least not yet.

Great L.A. insults of the 20th century: Three years ago, when the St. Louis Rams (formerly of Anaheim and L.A.) won the Super Bowl, ungracious owner Georgia Frontiere crowed that the team never had much support “in Los Angeles, even in the years we went to the playoffs.... It proves we did the right thing in going to St. Louis.” Anaheim didn’t even merit a mention, which may have been a bigger insult.

What will owner Al Davis of the Oakland Raiders (formerly of L.A.) say in San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium on Sunday if, as seems certain, his team wins the Super Bowl? I mean, besides the obvious. (“OK, Raider fans, let’s be good sports and put out all the fires in the stands and release your hostages -- at least the women and children.”)

MiscelLAny: Judy Bin-Nun of West L.A. noticed that a deli receipt indicated she had purchased the following: “End Goat.” She checked and found that it was actually an endive goat cheese salad, fortunately.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.