Fans Shouldn’t Be Fooled by Dodgers’ Cheap Shots

You have to wonder if Eric Gagne understood the full magnitude of that pitch. Yes, it’s going to be tougher now for the Dodgers, losing the home-field advantage in the World Series, although Rickey Henderson will be leading off and doing his best to steal second, third and home before Jeromy Burnitz strikes out to end the inning. Holy Tyler Houston, are we supposed to be impressed?

Dan Evans, the Dodgers’ do-nothing GM, had watched as his team fell from first place to third -- one game now out of fourth, which had to make you wonder if he was waiting for Ted Williams to thaw out.

Now he lands Henderson, a guy no one else wanted, and Burnitz, a player the New York Mets were willing to keep paying to get out of town, and one of our giddy columnists is so impressed he suggests Evans has earned time off to spend with his family.

Is that how far the Dodgers have slipped that a pair of warm bodies are considered an improvement?

Henderson, 44, was going to begin a week-long vacation while the Newark Bears played on without him -- until the Dodger scouts showed up. He went one for two in his audition, which impressed the Dodger brass, which had never seen such an offensive explosion, and the Dodgers now have a player older than their GM.

The Dodgers also had reportedly shown interest in Pittsburgh’s Brian Giles, a contact hitter who has struck out only 455 times in 977 games, which unfortunately did not qualify him to play here.

That’s why Burnitz was so appealing, striking out 854 times in his last 978 games and raising the intriguing question: Does Burnitz reach 1,000 strikeouts before rickety-old Fred McGriff, who has 488 career home runs, connects on No. 500?

(New Dodger Dog? Eric Karros struck out 200 fewer times than Burnitz in almost the same number of games.)

The “Evans deserves credit” argument is L.A. got something for nothing -- or maybe nothing for nothing. We’re also supposed to be happy these players came cheaply -- as if Fox and Rupert Murdoch are hard up for cash -- and the team’s payroll still remains in check. I probably should have hired Evans as wedding planner.

One of our giddy columnists, who wrote Evans “might get a few days of quiet” now after making it appear he did something, quoted Bogey Boy as saying, “I think we were willing to wait until we got the right deal.”

Excuse me. That’s moving one step closer to the loser’s lament: “Wait until next year.” No quiet days here until the trading deadline has passed ...

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WHEN I heard the Rod Carew Golf Classic at Coto de Caza was going to auction off dinner with some of our top local sports figures, I went hoping this would be my chance to dine with USC President Steven Sample and AD Mike Garrett, knowing no one else would want to eat with them.

But after I arrived I was told USC was not involved in this tournament to benefit the Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation -- probably too busy with “Travelergate.” John Wooden agreed to make himself available for a pair of auctioned dinners -- and he’s eating for free, remember, so it’s a pretty good scam -- and each meal with Wooden drew a bid of $6,000.

And the money kept on coming. Sea Breeze Mortgage donated $100,000 to the Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation, and Pacific Republic Mortgage matched the donation. Carew is still racking up the big hits.

“You don’t ever get over the loss of a daughter,” said Carew, whose daughter, Michelle, died from leukemia seven years ago. “When she was sick she told me no matter what happens to her, continue helping wherever you can. And as long as I’m on this earth, this is what I’ll be doing to help kids in need.”

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ACTOR JOE Mantegna was in my Carew eightsome (don’t ask). He played a Supreme Court Justice with Bum (James) Garner in “First Monday,” which went off the air, I presume, because a cranky Garner yelled at the wrong person. Mantegna is working on a new series, “Joan of Arcadia,” in which God talks to people. ( I wonder if He’ll do so using the voice of Vin Scully.)

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I DID not receive an invite to play in the Oscar De La Hoya Golf Tournament Monday. Do you think it was open only to those who enjoyed listening to his CD? If that’s the case, I wonder if they had enough golfers to make a foursome?

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PETROS PAPADAKIS, who joins Mark Willard locally on KMPC’s “Morning Show Bonus Hour,” has just what sports talk radio loves -- a refreshing, hilarious, entertaining and shocking voice with no restraint.

As part of a Tuesday discussion about free meals, the former USC running back said a booster surprised him recently and paid for one of his meals.

There’s no NCAA violation, Papadakis cracked, because “I don’t play no more for USC.” To emphasize where he got his education, he repeated: “I don’t play no more for USC.”

He also said that the per diem he received from USC for playing football went right to a liquor store on Crenshaw. I understand. If I had to go to that school every day, I’d probably do the same thing.

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HENDERSON’S NUMBER is 24, but Walter Alston’s No. 24 has been retired. (I make it 50-50 that Rickey knows who Alston is.) For Rickey’s number, I suggest No. 44. It’s true Paul Shuey is wearing it, but maybe that’ll give Evans motivation to trade quality for quality sooner than later.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in a press release from the Chargers:

“The 2003 San Diego Chargers hit the field for the first time on Wednesday, July 23 for Training Camp at The Home Depot Center in Carson.”

Based on the Chargers’ track record, it’s a good bet if they attempt to hit the field, they’ll miss.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.