Wells Doesn’t Have the Write Stuff

Jerry Greene of the Orlando Sentinel commenting on David Wells’ book “Perfect I’m Not”: “Like most jock books, Wells had some help from a real writer, this one named Chris Kreski.

“Or do you believe Wells sat down and wrote: ‘The ’86 Mets for all their cocky swaggering, hard-drinking machismo, look like pencil-necked pushovers [today].’

“Or how about ‘A lot of today’s superstars are basically shaped like barrels with heads.’

“Takes a barrel to know a barrel, David.”

Trivia time: Who is the only Laker to be honored as NBA defensive player of the year?

Take you pick: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Tough-guy Hall of Famer Bob Gibson has been sued by an Omaha, Neb., man after a road-rage incident....

“ ‘Miguel Sanchez claims he was intentionally hit,’ says Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, ‘while Gibson’s lawyers are expected to argue that the former pitcher was merely painting the blacktop, trying to establish the inside half of the lane.’ ”

More FitzGerald: “Asked if fellow UCLA alumnus Bill Walton ever gave him any broadcasting tips, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar told the Raleigh (N.C.) News and Observer: ‘Bill Walton can’t teach anybody anything except how to be a redhead.’ ”

Smushy note: Bud Geracie in the San Jose Mercury News: “Name game: Smush Parker replaced Bimbo Coles on the Cleveland roster.

* “Ken Griffey Jr. keeps getting weirder and weirder. ‘Don’t accuse me of not being happy just because I don’t smile,’ said he.

* “Jason Richardson was actually quoted saying this: ‘You can’t stop Kobe. The best thing you can do is try to contain him.’ ”

Tut to Ted: Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “When scientists find a way to bring the well-preserved dead back to life, how cool will this matchup be: King Tut pitching to Ted Williams.

* “Baseball then and now: In the Egyptian embalming process, true fact, special tools were used to remove the brain through a nostril. Similarly, some modern baseball players have snorted their brains out .”

A matter of timing: Mike Lupica in the New York Daily News: “At the end Friday night, it didn’t matter whether Patrick Ewing was the greatest Knick of all time, or Capt. Willis Reed or Clyde Frazier.

“What mattered, for this one night, was that the Garden felt like a great place again.

“And maybe you wish that Latrell Sprewell had shown up there in 1989 to play alongside Patrick instead of 1999.

“I want people who watched Sprewell carry the Knicks Friday night, especially in the overtimes, the way Patrick did for so much of his career, to tell me again why it was time -- before the last trading deadline, anyway -- to take the best deal for Sprewell and move on.”

Trivia answer: Michael Cooper in the 1986-87 season.

And finally: “It’s lucky for the Lakers that it was Phil Jackson who came down with a case of kidney stones and not Kobe Bryant,” said Sean Callahan of Mississauga, Canada. “Kobe doesn’t like to pass anything.”

-- Mal Florence