Because This Pair Knew So Little, They Got a Lot

It was another one of those kind of down-on-your-luck days at the track with the Oak Tree Racing Assn. welcoming Robert Walter on the Santa Anita tote board, and then later, John C. Mabee, maybe the only two people who had no chance of losing here Saturday, because they died some time ago.

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I’D LIKE to think the folks at Oak Tree were reminding us that on most days a dead man is going to have a better day than most horse racing handicappers, who know so much and win so little.

I have always maintained you could find a couple of schmoes from some place like South Dakota, who have never been to a racetrack in their lives, send them to a bar with a lone betting machine and $8 in hand, and they’d have a better chance to nail the pick six than Misery, a.k.a. Bob Mieszerski, The Times’ expert horse racing handicapper.

Well, I give you Will Dixon and Graham Stone, the two schmoes from South Dakota who had never been to a racetrack before Saturday, who had to buy new suits to join the brass in the Director’s Room here to celebrate their pick six success.

Together they had the only winning pick six ticket from the Breeders’ Cup, worth $2,687,611.60, which understandably worried Pam Dixon, Will’s wife, who insisted they put the winning ticket in a briefcase or safe before cashing it.

“It’s so windy in South Dakota,” she said, “I was afraid if he was holding it in his hand, it might just blow away.”

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I HAPPEN to know from personal experience, if you have a pick six ticket based on Misery’s selections, and you rip it into a million pieces after losing and toss it into the wind, it’ll blow back in your face if you’re not careful and only add to your misery, so to speak.

Don’t get me wrong. Misery works harder than most handicappers, watches more races and spends more time studying the form and eating free food in the press box than most. He knows his stuff, and sure he has a reputation for taking favorites, but if you did your homework, wouldn’t you want to pick the horse most likely to win?

Unfortunately that’s what separates the professional handicappers, who think they know what’s going to happen, from the schmoes, who have no clue how these unpredictable animals are going to run.

If you bet $2 on every one of Misery’s predicted picks at this Santa Anita meet, you’d be $96.20 in the hole.

If you knew nothing, as Will said: “I had no idea who we had in the pick six,” you’d be more than $1 million richer now, with taxes already paid.

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THE SCHMOES not only won the pick six but nailed the pick six consolation prize twice for $18,000 each and had four winning pick three tickets worth $4,200. Total investment for the day: $40 each.

But now on their first trip to the big track, Stone was prepared to wager as much as $100, because that’s the limit his wife, Karen, had set for him.

“He better not bet any more than that,” she said, and some people wonder why some men go to an early grave. (I would imagine that’s what the guy in charge of messages on the tote board is also thinking right about now.)

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THE SCHMOES and their wives arrived in a limo here after Oak Tree provided free airfare and hotel accommodations. If you were running a racetrack, wouldn’t you send a plane and a limo for a couple of schmoes living in South Dakota, their pockets stuffed with cash and flush with the knowledge they can pick winners like no one else in the country. (I’m surprised Santa Anita doesn’t send a limo for anyone claiming to use Misery’s picks.)

Truth be told, a rarity here, the Schmoes and their wives seemed very normal -- even though they were from South Dakota. Stone obviously has had a rough life, because he’s also a Detroit Lion fan. Dixon brews his own beer, and if I lived in South Dakota, I’d want to make sure I didn’t run out too.

Nice people, and I was there for the final few innocent moments before they began rubbing shoulders with hard-core horse people. Stone and Dixon, partners for 18 years in the jewelry business, were asked to join a pair of veteran handicappers and select an $8 pick six ticket for the Cal Cup crowd.

And just like that, the schmoes were now being asked to do the same thing as Misery, study the form, and act as if they knew what they were talking about.

Six races later, the luster was off the fairy tale, and the schmoes had finished the day without a single winner -- an embarrassment of major league proportions when you consider even Misery had one.

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JOCKEY ALEX Solis wanted to know, “What happened to the Lakers?” I told him, “back-to-back games,” and he snickered.

Last year Kobe Bryant made a disparaging comment about jockeys just going along for the ride, and it didn’t go unnoticed here, so given the chance to ride the Lakers, most of these competitors don’t miss the chance.

“We ride back-to-back days all the time,” he said, “and when someone falls off a horse running 40 mph we’re right back on another horse in the next race.”

Solis rode seven races Friday, won three, and then came back to ride seven more Saturday, winning two. He’ll ride six today, and what if the Lakers had to play three days in a row? We’d probably get a lot of Luke Walton.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Sandy Jones:

“I find your whole attitude about women’s tennis appalling. It makes me sick. Why don’t you do us all a favor and just stay home.”

OK, but only if it will make you happy.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com