The soiree in Sacramento

It was the small ironies that made the eve of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s swearing-in more than a little amusing.

First, “Total Recall” was on the local Fox affiliate around the same time that Rep. David Dreier (R-San Dimas) offered some Dominican Republic cigars to the governor-elect, cracking wise about Schwarzenegger’s affinity for products from “the islands of the Caribbean.”

Second, the sole journalist invited to the evening’s hot ticket -- the reception at the Sheraton Grand, complete with live band, commemorative jelly beans and international-food stations -- was a reporter from Los Angeles’ alternative press, the LA Weekly.

And third, one of Hollywood’s most dedicated Dems, Rob Reiner, was among the guests, chatting with Rob Lowe (who used to play a Democrat on television’s “The West Wing”) and telling reporters he still thinks about running for governor himself.

“This is off the hook!” said a man in a leather jacket, balding and gray, but nevertheless ready with a hip endorsement of the packed lobby and the funk music streaming from a downstairs ballroom. “It’s the most people I’ve seen in downtown Sacramento in 10 years!”

His statement was quickly dismissed by a pack of reporters at the bar, who were miffed about being left out. But still, people were dancing! At a Republican party! And Schwarzenegger was talking about JFK! And there were California rolls, and did we mention the jelly beans?!

At one point, the crowd was so dense that the hotel ballroom was absolutely muggy, according to an exit poll of the guests. There was legendary Phoenix Suns guard-turned-NBC analyst Kevin Johnson, and Tom Arnold, and former governors Pete Wilson and George Deukmejian. U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Ann Veneman was there, and so was San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown. “They’re all standing in the back struggling to get at the shrimp,” said transition team member Bob Grady.

LA Weekly reporter Bill Bradley arrived holding a jar of commemorative Jelly Bellys (which prompted shouts of “Reagan Redux” from fellow journalists) and explained that he’d been invited because he’d been the first reporter to take Schwarzenegger’s candidacy seriously.

But it was all over so quickly. The party started around 7 p.m., and by 9 the hotel staff turned up the lights and started clearing the buffet tables. By 10, the only thing left was the strudel. Gerold Pankl (a native of Graz, Austria, currently living in Huntington Beach) found himself critiquing the Austrian dessert with NBC’s Conan Nolan. The hotel’s version was a far cry from the authentic stuff. “This is not crispy,” said Pankl. “And it’s too thick.”

And then the conversation turned to politics. The consensus was that Maria Shriver was Schwarzenegger’s secret weapon. “If I had a nickel for every woman I’ve interviewed who said, ‘If it’s OK for Maria, it’s OK for me,’ ” said Nolan, not bothering to tally up his riches. “This is a Kennedy, for God’s sake!”

Just when things were looking dead, Denis Hiller of the Republican Youth Majority arrived, business cards in hand. The lanky Soviet emigre, who’s attending college in the Bay Area, said he’s tired of all those “hippie radical” professors, flunking him simply because “my views don’t agree with theirs.”

“I’m so glad that Arnold won instead of McClintock,” he said. “Because he’s so much easier to get excited about.”

And so the curtain fell on the town they call the Big Tomato, with Schwarzenegger’s chief strategist George Gorton bragging about “Spinning Boris” winning the Hamptons International Film Festival. The movie tells the story of three aides to then-Gov. Pete Wilson, Gorton among them, who left to run Russian President Boris Yeltsin’s 1996 reelection campaign. (He won.) “Yes, I am doing Sundance,” Gorton said.