He Won’t Write Off Story Behind This Dodger Suitor

So I’m reading in my Wednesday morning newspaper that Frank McCourt looks like the guy who is going to buy the Dodgers, and I’m thrilled to have the author of “Angela’s Ashes,” knowing he has already experienced the pain and suffering, and of course, the drinking that comes with being a Dodger fan these days.

And just imagine the chance to be so close to such a great writer, and the tips he might pass on, and what it could do for Bill Plaschke’s career.

I was really excited until I read more of Jason Reid’s story about McCourt, and if you think “Angela’s Ashes” is the most depressing thing you have ever read, then I guess you haven’t followed Reid’s work on the Dodgers this last year.

First of all, according to Reid, McCourt isn’t that McCourt. The McCourt the Dodgers might be getting is a loser, a land developer who failed in his bid to buy the Red Sox and then build a new Fenway Park in one of his parking lots.

You can see how big he is on tradition.... Can’t wait to see where Dodger Stadium winds up.

He also reportedly had an interest in the Angels but lost that opportunity too because he doesn’t have enough money.

What is it about the Dodgers and their inability, it seems, to attract the big hitters?

I did some more reading about McCourt, you know, the one who’s a loser, and he caused a big uproar in Boston. Some newspaper accounts suggest he was a community leader trying to develop the South Boston waterfront. Other newspaper accounts painted a picture of a money-grubber who talked about helping the better good, while doing nothing more than trying to help his own bank account.

“For a power broker who takes great pride in keeping clear of the press,” wrote Boston Herald reporter Peter Gelzinis on June 24, 2001, “Frank McCourt has been playing us as masterfully as Clapton plays guitar.”

Or this from the Boston Globe’s Joan Vennochi on Aug. 24, 2001: “Frank McCourt, saint, will quickly turn into Frank McCourt, sinner, if he is not selling Southie the truth.”

McCourt never got the Red Sox, never got the chance to build Fenway on one of his South Boston parking lots, so no telling yet what his story is going to be when it comes to taking over the Dodgers.

I’d feel a lot better if it was being written by the other McCourt.

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OLYMPIC SPORTS, an offshore betting service, is taking wagers on who might replace Lisa Guerrero as sideline reporter on “Monday Night Football.” Now keeping in mind that Guerrero hasn’t been fired -- yet -- the contest remains open through the first game of next season.

Suzy Kolber and Michelle Tafoya are the individual favorites at 5-1 to replace Guerrero, while Madonna, J. Lo, Britney Spears and Wanda Sykes are 100-1. My personal choice as sideline reporter: Pam Oliver at 8-1. My personal choice: Jill Arrington.

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AS LONG as someone tipped me to the Lisa G. sweepstakes, I thought I’d take a look at the updated odds to win the Super Bowl. Shockingly, the Minnesota Vikings were the favorites at 5-1, followed closely by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Kansas City Chiefs.

The longest shots at 2,000 to 1: The San Diego Slugs.

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NFL COMMISSIONER Paul Tagliabue, while discussing the possibility of a new football stadium in Manhattan and bringing a Super Bowl to downtown New York, hinted that Arizona is the leading candidate to land the 2008 game, which pushes any chance of L.A.’s landing a Super Bowl -- to help finance construction of a new stadium here -- until 2009.

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THE 25TH annual Red Balloon golf tournament at Rolling Hills Country Club on Oct. 20 to benefit developmentally handicapped kids will also include a live auction for a helicopter ride, a boat ride for 20 people, a week in Cabo San Lucas or Puerto Vallarta and lunch with the Page 2 columnist.

Now I don’t know whether Salma Hayek will be joining us that day -- she has a very busy schedule, you know -- but the Grocery Store Bagger tells me his calendar is free.

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THE TORONTO Star reports that Shania Twain will be featured in a new, “racy” NHL commercial to appear during games this season. I sure hope it’s the first period, so I don’t have to sit through an entire game.

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THE BRUINS lost starting center Mike McCloskey for the year, and Coach Karl Dorrell told reporters, “I didn’t notice any difference in the line,” when Robert Chai replaced McCloskey.

“If anything, they might have played better.”

I’m sure that made McCloskey feel better after having a plate and seven screws inserted into his broken ankle.

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THERE ARE only 100 tickets, at $1,000 each, available (www.prostatecancerfoundation.org) to join the City of Hope Cancer Center and the Fearsome Foursome (Lamar Lundy, Merlin Olsen, Deacon Jones and Rosey Grier) to watch the Rams-Falcons game Monday night and make fun of Georgia Frontiere at a private party at Tony P’s Dockside Grill in Marina del Rey. I’d imagine they have limited the tickets to 100 because once the Fearsome Foursome starts eating, there just won’t be much left for everyone else.

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A YEAR ago fans were concerned that Shaquille O’Neal was getting too big for his britches, and although he reportedly lost weight over the off-season, he was running down the court and yelling at Laker owner Jerry Buss, “Pay me,” though he’s already due to earn an additional $90 million over the next three years. About those britches....

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Samuel Jacobson:

“Do you get a raise if the Cubs win the World Series?”

I think the plan was for everyone to get a raise if Arnold lost.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.