TNT Delivers Proper Take on Kobe and Shaq

Actually heard on ESPN on Tuesday afternoon:

“As reported earlier on SportsCenter, sources close to O’Neal say he called Bryant twice this summer and in fact Kobe never returned his phone calls.”

Stay tuned for further developments in this breaking news story.

Such as: Did Kobe really get a smaller piece of Phil Jackson’s birthday cake than Shaq? And did that, in turn, cause Kobe not to invite Shaq to spend the night up in his backyard treehouse?

“I’ve spoken to sources extremely close to Shaquille O’Neal this afternoon and they informed me that indeed Shaquille O’Neal had made two phone calls to Kobe Bryant this summer and Kobe Bryant did not return either phone call,” ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith reported on the air. Remarkably, he maintained a straight face as he did.

“That further infuriated Shaquille O’Neal and ultimately he decided not to make a third phone call,” Smith went on. “Apparently, in [O’Neal’s] mind, it was cool for Kobe Bryant to talk to the Michael Jordans, the Tiger Woods, several of his other teammates and Lord knows who else without talking to Shaquille O’Neal. So Shaquille O’Neal took it for what it was worth and decided to move forward.”

Stop the presses!

Better yet, call off recess.

For two tiresome days, we heard the children squabble. Shaq called Kobe selfish. Kobe called Shaq fat. Teacher told both of them to shut up, but Kobe was really, really mad, so he got his friend Jimmy on the phone and said a bunch more bad things about that big bully Shaq.

On the third day, the grown-ups spoke. Thank goodness.

During TNT’s pregame show, Kenny Smith called the latest round of Kobe versus Shaq “really corny” and “fake.”

Turning toward colleague Magic Johnson, Smith said that in these kinds of dressing room disputes, “The guy you need to talk to sits three lockers over from you. If you have a problem with somebody -- I’m from the old school of basketball -- you just walk over and say, ‘Yo, you’re shooting too much, Magic. You need to stop shooting.’ And then I go, ‘Yo, I can play my game, and I can do what I need to do.’

“I don’t understand what is the benefit of me telling Jim Gray or whoever in the media who came up with the first story ... how do I benefit from that if I don’t go directly to you, Magic, and say, ‘Yo, Magic, on the wing, I’m open. Look for me. Give me the ball.’

“To me, that is so corny and that’s fake. For great players to do it, I am really, like, ashamed to even be talking about it at this time.”

Smith raised a good question: What’s the benefit to taking this squabble out from behind closed doors and playing it out in the media?

On ESPN, Greg Anthony had a theory.

“You talk about Kobe and his [legal] situation,” Anthony said. “Now, no one’s talking about the sexual assault allegation. Now, everybody’s talking about what they’re going to have to do once they step on the court

“This is a blessing in disguise for Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers. It gets the focus back to where it needs to be, which is on the basketball court and not in the court of law. As far as [Bryant is] concerned, I think that is what he knows. If there’s pressure on the basketball court, he’s not concerned with that because he’s already proven he can handle that.”

So is this a fake controversy manufactured before the Laker season opener in order to give the media something other than Bryant’s legal case to hyperventilate about? Is this nothing more than a diversionary tactic lifted straight from the pro wrestling beginner’s manual?

It’s not the craziest thing we’ve heard the last three days.

Charles Barkley alluded to the NBA championship scoreboard, which shows O’Neal and Bryant, despite all the past snits, combining for three rings, or three more than Barkley won.

“I would have killed ... to win a championship,” Barkley said. “For those guys, who have already accomplished great things together to be ... complaining at this time, it does a disservice to the game.”

Smith alluded to the TNT commercial that features O’Neal in a fake cornfield with small children playing ring-around-Shaq and ad-libbing a nursery rhyme that ends with the kids telling O’Neal, “You better come back in shape!”

Which, in not so many words, is the message Bryant passed along during his phone interview with Gray.

“I don’t see why [O’Neal] didn’t get upset at those little kids, who said the same thing,” quipped Smith, who then asked for a replay of the commercial. The ad immediately appeared again. When it ended, Smith could be seen laughing on the set.

“See,” Smith said, “Kobe’s in the cornfield with them.”

Barkley said he could empathize with O’Neal over one issue.

“I think the stuff Kobe said was a little personal,” he told his partners on the set, Smith, Johnson and host Ernie Johnson. “Let me just say this, and I’m going to tell y’all this once. I love all three of y’all, but if y’all ever call me fat, I’m gonna beat the hell out of y’all. Because all hell’s going to break loose on this set if you ever in public call me fat.”

Smith and Barkley had a field day voicing over some live footage of Bryant running pregame sprints.

“See, Shaq’s right behind him!”

Actually, Shaq was nowhere to be found.

“If Shaq did this, he’d be in shape!”

“It’d be ‘my team!’ It’d be ‘his team!’ ”

Playing straight man amid howls of laughter, Ernie Johnson feigned a sigh of resignation and said, “I give.”

We’d all like to, but the season has just begun. Eighty-two games is a long time to stay disgusted. It’s better to try to be amused.