This Parking Specialist Still Hasn’t Done a Lot

A week ago the Boston parking lot attendant promised to be “swift” and “decisive” in making Dodger changes to win a world championship.

As best I can tell, so far he has given his wife a job.

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NOW BEYOND that, he has certainly been less than decisive in dealing with General Manager Dan Evans, made no mention of acquiring a cleanup hitter and apparently shown a curious interest in 38-year-old Greg Maddux.

What has he been doing since October when Fox gave him exclusive negotiating rights to buy the team? You would think somewhere along the line he was out to dinner with the wife and they took a napkin and jotted down a plan for the Dodgers once they took over. Unless, of course, they couldn’t afford to go out for dinner.

The expectation that came with the ownership change was it was going to free the team to make a meaningful off-season move. But so far nothing beyond talk of whom the next general manager might be -- oh, and giggles aside, don’t count out Evans.

The Dodger website indicated the team is 13 days, 20 hours, 14 minutes and 3 seconds away from pitchers and catchers reporting for spring training. You can understand why there’s no mention when hitters are due to report.

I might have missed something, so I called the Dodger Stadium switchboard and asked to speak to Frank McCourt. The phone rang several times, and then Frank McCourt answered. I should have known he couldn’t afford a secretary or caller ID.

I told him who I was, he said he was busy, and he’d get back to me.

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IT HAS BEEN 4 hours, 21 minutes and 29 seconds since the parking lot guy said he’d get back to me. Last week he told the media he was going to be “transparent” in dealing with the press. I think I know what he means now.

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THE DODGER website featured a warm and fuzzy Q & A with McCourt as he finished “his first whirlwind week of his tenure as the Dodgers’ new owner.”

First question: “How do you feel you’ve been accepted?”

McCourt’s answer: “It’s been fantastic, from the press conference moving forward. Los Angeles collectively has given us one big bear hug....”

I know he’s poor, but it sounds as if he’s living in a cave or spending all his time with Stu Nahan.

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I WAS on my way home when McCourt returned the call. I read to him his own words about being bear-hugged by L.A. and want to know whom he has been hanging with. He says the Los Angeles City Council, and that explains it. Those guys are probably looking for free tickets.

I ask him when is he going to do something to improve his team. He said, “I’m in the process.”

How about seeing something soon? “We’re closing on the franchise in the next week or so,” he said, and so what does that mean? Are his financial hands still tied?

“We’ll make our moves in due course,” he said. I said I expected something immediate to make a PR splash, and he said, “We’re not motivated by big PR splashes. We’re going to do what is in the best interests of the Dodgers.”

I tell him -- please, don’t talk like that. It’s like listening to Evans, who has been delivering similar hogwash for years. And by the way, why so wishy-washy on Evans?

“I’ve been very decisive,” he said. “It’d have been a lot easier to take a different path with Dan, but I felt the right thing to do was give him the chance to make his case.”

So how long does it take for Evans to make his case? He made his case the last few years in assembling one of the weakest-hitting teams in memory.

I mention the napkin and want to know if he and the wife came to L.A. with a plan, and he said, “We have a very specific plan, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to advertise it to everyone.”

There he goes again, sounding like Evans, who always made it clear the Dodgers knew what they were doing and it was nobody else’s business.

I ask him if he has anything to offer beyond his Q&A; blarney, and he said no.

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I WONDER now if anyone in the Lakers’ organization read Shaquille O’Neal’s statement of apology for cussing on TV to Shaquille O’Neal before it was released.

Our Tim Brown reported Wednesday the Big Potty Mouth showed no remorse, and while “laughing,” strung together five obscenities as he walked past reporters. I guess KCAL’s John Ireland didn’t have the cameras rolling.

Brown also reported that Shaq had privately apologized to a Channel 9 producer, but the public Shaq apparently wanted everyone to know that a fine in the neighborhood of $275,000 can’t keep him from cussing if he has something to say. Got to keep those kids believing in Superman, I guess.

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PHIL JACKSON called the NBA “vindictive” for holding the Big Potty Mouth accountable, oh, and, yeah, I was just handed a press release announcing that Jackson will be honored as the Muscular Dystrophy Assn. “Sportsman of the Year.”’

Say what? as Jim Healy, the former radio icon always wanted to know.

It’s true. The press release says Jackson will be honored at a Feb. 12 “All-Star Dinner” at the Biltmore Hotel. The fact that Laker owner Jerry Buss is a longtime MDA supporter I’m sure has nothing to do with Jackson’s earning his award.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Paul Zive:

“The theory my wife and I have developed is that Janet Jackson’s red brassiere was not supposed to be torn....”

I don’t think Jackson has gotten enough credit for opening the lines of communication between husband and wife during a football game.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.