Get me some lovin’

It began with “The Rules.” Suddenly there was a book of dating guidelines that were guaranteed to land a husband. Sure, some rules, such as never call a man, smacked of aged text from the “Welcome to Immaculate Conception Girls School” brochure. Yet the promise -- escape from the sisterhood of single women -- made the book a bestseller nine years ago.

Since then, the self-help market has had an unabashed crush on love or, more specifically, the pursuit of it. There are so many dating books -- how to get a date, what to do on a date, mistakes that keep you from getting another date, etc. -- that if you read them all, you would never have time to go out. But if you did, you would find that there is a vague science to this thing called love: It all comes down to confidence.

It’s easier outlined than achieved, of course, which is why people keep writing, and reading, advice for the lovelorn. (Oddly, most volumes on finding men are written by women, and those about getting women are by men. Wouldn’t it be better the other way around?)

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, love is in the air and more books than ever on how to get it are on the shelves. Here’s a guideline to some of the ones that seem to have the rules of attraction, at least, all figured out.

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Clear the schedule for a date with destiny

Mr. Right, Right Now!

How a Smart Woman

Can Land Her Dream Man

in 6 Weeks

By E. Jean Carroll

(HarperResource,

2003, $23.95)

The setup

To get men, forget men. Become your own fabulous person and you’ll be beating them off with a stick.

A perfect match...

For women who say, “How in the heck is it possible that someone like me is still single?”

Making small talk

“The minute -- the instant -- you ... start caring about what the buggers think, there is not a man on the planet who won’t varnish the court with you.”

Good chemistry?

The plan includes sleeping 10 hours a day and having margaritas. Sign me up!

Red flags

Besides suggesting you curtsy to a man who holds a door open, the crackpot meter rarely goes off. This twice-divorced demigoddess doesn’t promise marriage, just a packed Palm Pilot.

Coffee afterward?

Yes. It’s funny, the ideas are cute and it won’t make you hate yourself in the morning.

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Date Like a Man:

What Men Know About Dating and Are Afraid

You’ll Find Out

by Myreah Moore

(Quill, 2000, $12.95)

The setup

Sassy sister- girlfriend tells you to take a cue from the men -- read “don’t obsess” -- when it comes to dating.

A perfect match...

For women who have “Welcome” printed on their foreheads.

Making small talk

Women like to analyze everything. “What did you mean by that?” Men like to have fun.

Good chemistry?

Moore’s got an attractive premise (that men have some Da Vinci Code of dating) and a promise (that she can teach it to women).

Red flags

She advises frequent hair-tossing and leg-crossing. That was old news in Cosmopolitan’s August 1967 issue.

Coffee afterward?

Decent observations about women’s “half empty” views on dating are weakened by a vague program.

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Why Men Love Bitches:

From Doormat to Dreamgirl -- A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

by Sherry Argov

(Adams Media Corp.,

2000, $14.95)

The setup

The title’s a misnomer; here, we’re talking about having so much self-respect Aretha Franklin would high-five you.

A perfect match...

For a girl so nice she’d apologize to the man who ran her over with his Hummer.

Making small talk

He keeps you waiting? “Don’t waste my time. If you are going to be late, please let me know so I can make other arrangements.”

Good chemistry?

Argov shows how women murder relationships with kindness and gives straightforward advice on how to stop before you kill again.

Red flags

Many too-nice girls find it difficult

to use “feminine wiles” (or “subtle manipulation”) to climb out from under that Hummer.

Coffee afterward?

Yes, please! -- er, we mean, sure ... as long as he brews it for you.

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Finding the Boyfriend Within: A Practical Guide for Tapping Into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness, and Respect

by Brad Gooch

(Simon & Schuster, 1999, $11)

The setup

Hot, successful, yet still somehow single, Gooch got in touch with his inner feelings, began dating his intuition and is now in a serious relationship with ... himself.

A perfect match...

For gay men who schedule yoga dates and say, “Didn’t I meet you at Deepak’s spa?”

Making small talk

“Even if life doesn’t provide a new beau, or a longtime companion perceived in a new light, you won’t really mind so much.”

Good chemistry?

It has a gentle tone and the idea of doing something other than moping while waiting for Mr. Right.

Red flags

“When I picked up a pen, it was like picking up the telephone. The Voice was on the other end with answers. Question: Why don’t I have a boyfriend? The Voice: I don’t know.”

Coffee afterward?

Actually, how about some yerba mate tea? And will that be for two or one?

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How to Succeed With Women

by Ron Louis

and David Copeland

(Reward, 1998, $15)

The setup

Two guys who previously couldn’t get a date study the techniques of Don Juans (and -- gasp! -- ask real live girls) to find out what wins women over.

A perfect match...

For men who can’t figure out why a woman would rather watch “Queer Eye” than go out with them.

Making small talk

“This simple program [to get over fear of rejection] is based on a two-letter word ... ‘Hi!’ ”

Good chemistry?

It manages to get men to be respectful of women even while teaching them how to get women into bed.

Red flags

On grooming: “If it’s underwear, and you’ve worn it more than once, wash it.”

Coffee afterward?

Only if it’s washed its underwear.