Majerus Helps Take a Bite Out of NCAA Pairings

The original idea was to make an NCAA tournament wager with John Wooden, and get a date for the daughter.

A year ago, I had Wooden fill out an NCAA bracket for the first time in his life, and I understood when he was finished why he had never done so before.

I figured as poorly as he had fared, he could really help me out this year by matching his picks against mine.

And if for some unlikely reason he picked more winners in his bracket than mine, then I’d buy $1,000 worth of his new children’s picture book, “Inch and Miles: The Journey to Success,” and donate the books to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA.

If he lost, of course, then he’d have to agree to a luncheon date with the daughter who can’t get a date.

For some reason, Wooden wasn’t returning phone calls Monday.

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I THOUGHT about making the same wager with Rick Majerus, figuring any old excuse for him to have a lunch might even convince him to lose on purpose.

And at this point the daughter wouldn’t care.

Unfortunately, Majerus is on this health kick. He stopped coaching at Utah for health reasons and won’t coach next season. Monday he ordered salad for lunch. He said he has lost 19 pounds and appears seriously committed to becoming a lightweight. Based on his NCAA tournament picks, I think he’s well on his way.

He had done a dozen TV and radio interviews on behalf of DirecTV by the time we met, telling folks Michigan State would upset Gonzaga in the second round.

Then he read the fine print and realized the game is in Seattle, providing a virtual home-court atmosphere for Gonzaga. That doesn’t help all the office workers of America, who jotted down Majerus’ selection of Michigan State over Gonzaga.

“I stand by my ... “ lack of preparation, I said, finishing the sentence for him.

Majerus put his fork down. Witnesses said that’s the first time they ever recall that happening before he was finished eating the menu.

“Take a look at the basketball coach and the columnist,” Majerus said to the next table. “Who do you think knows more about basketball?”

A man trying to eat his lunch at the next table, and who would later identify himself as Rich Land, looked up, and said, “the Bagger.”

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I’M TOLD Majerus was not blindfolded while making his picks. You have to take the man’s word for it, I guess.

But he has Texas Tech and Bob Knight advancing to the East Rutherford final. Maybe Knight insisted on it. He has Wisconsin knocking off Pittsburgh in the second round, the San Diego Chargers winning the Super Bowl and the New York Mets the World Series. That’s what happens when you spend all that time living in Utah.

His other wacky picks include East Tennessee State beating Cincinnati because he watched ETSU over Christmas on film. I guess he couldn’t get a ticket for “The Last Samurai.”

His Final Four are Duke, Kentucky, Connecticut and Oklahoma State because I picked Oklahoma State to win it all.

He has Kentucky playing Connecticut for the title with Ashley Judd’s team winning it all in San Antonio -- the same site where his Utah team lost the national title six years ago. I presume he picked his team to win it all that night, so he has a history, as you can see, of being wrong.

Right now that’s the best chance the daughter has of going out any time soon -- unless Wooden calls.

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DR. STEVE LOMBARDO looked at Horace Grant’s ailing hip Monday, and Coach Phil Jackson said, “we’re not going to jump to any conclusions right now,” which is understandable when you consider Karl Malone suggested earlier that Lombardo had misdiagnosed his knee injury.

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TIM HARRIS, who caters to the stars on behalf of the Lakers, said he had a request from someone before the game with Orlando and Tracy McGrady -- not for tickets, but special treatment for his Rolls-Royce. “It wasn’t, where can I sit?” Harris said, “but where can my car go?” He was unable to help.

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KARL MALONE didn’t like a referee’s call, said so and was hit with a technical foul. Our Hall of Famers are so classy. Angry, then he tried to kick Slava Medvedenko’s warmup jersey. Fortunately, he didn’t reinjure his knee. (Kicking Medvedenko in the rear might have been more productive.)

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THE CHARGERS traded David Boston to Miami for a sixth-round pick and a player to be named. For some time now, folks have been saying the Chargers lack players, which explains why it will have to be a player to be named.

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I JUST love this story about the Boston Parking Lot Attendant’s Missus going on a rant on a cellphone with reporters while sitting next to her poor husband, who was driving the car. I can just picture the moment when reporters wanted her to pass the phone to her husband, and his wanting no part of it.

I think we’ve all been there: “You’re doing just fine, honey. Don’t let me interrupt.”

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THE DODGERS are keeping Shawn Green in right field. It’s my understanding they intend to play without a first baseman this season. Just one more cost-cutting move.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from B. Foley:

“As a PROUD native Houstonian, I first take issue of your date line from the Super Bowl, ‘Yahooville....’ Perhaps prides is something you don’t understand being surrounded by all the kooks, traffic and radical liberals in L.A. I say don’t let the door hit you as you leave Houston.”

You folks seem a little slow in Houston. Blame it on the Pony Express, I guess.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.