Politicians’ Messages Aren’t Always Crystal Clear

We all know how difficult it is to figure out the stand of politicians on certain issues. Never was this more true than with the e-mail that writer Dan Nussbaum received from a U.S. senator (see accompanying).

Getting gas: I read that gasoline prices have come down slightly, which is good news. For a while they were going up so fast, as Hal Smith points out, the numbers on the signs were spinning (see photo).

You can’t handle the tab! “Jack -- The Great Seducer,” a new biography of Jack Nicholson by Edward Douglas, relates an amusing real-life incident at a restaurant.

No, this wasn’t macho Jack making a scene. It was myopic Jack making like a grandpa.

When the bill arrived, the actor pulled out a credit card and a small magnifying glass. A companion asked what he was doing.

“I am trying to see the bill so that I can pay the bill,” Nicholson grumbled.

This gave the actor’s friend an idea: “combine the two items -- a credit card with a magnifying lens embedded in it for the benefit of diners who had trouble reading the small print,” Douglas writes.

The invention was backed by Chase Manhattan Bank, which launched the LensCard “at a party attended by Nicholson, Sean Penn and Michael Douglas.”

No LensCard for me, thank you. My credit card charges seem magnified enough as it is.

Italian job: A 50ish tourist from Italy, who spoke little English, paid several visits to the Hollywood Visitors Information Center recently, displaying a photograph of her attractive daughter. She indicated that she wanted to meet Robert DeNiro and have him put her daughter in a movie. Alas, she never did bump into DeNiro.

Or Jack Nicholson, for that matter. I can just imagine Jack pulling out that magnifying glass to look at the photo.

Thanks for the review lesson ... : To KFWB-AM (980), which referred to a “brace of ducks” in a news story. I’m not sure schoolchildren learn the terms for animal groupings anymore, such as:

* Aerie of eagles

* Bevy of quail

* Covey of grouse

* Exaltation of larks

* Gaggle of geese

* Muster of storks

* Wake of buzzards

And, of course:

* Mob of reporters

miscelLAny: For that difficult-to-buy-for dog, I offer this rain gear as a Christmas suggestion (see accompanying). Pointed out Atilio DeBihar of Monterey Park, “There’ll be no wet dog, but there will be a soaked owner, since he doesn’t have an umbrella for himself.”

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800)LATimes, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213)237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.