Jackson’s Book Is Basic Whine-of-the-Month Stuff

Let’s begin with the name of the book: “The Last Season, a Team in Search of Its Soul.”

Last season might have gone a lot better had it been “a team in search of the Larry O’Brien championship trophy.”

The Lakers, however, were coached by an LSD-using, toenail-painting, tom-tom-playing, Zen Buddhism-Lakota Sioux incense-burning wacko who liked to play mind games with his minions and usually prevailed, but obviously took it hard when he discovered he was no match for a 25-year-old immature basketball player.

By the way, how do you think Devean George and Slava Medvedenko’s search for the team’s soul went last season?

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FOR SUCH huge sports figures, like Phil Jackson, Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant, they sure are coming off as small people in recent months.

Shaq, who demanded to be traded, has spent much of the off-season bellyaching because the Lakers traded him.

And now it appears the whole Bryant mess in Colorado has boiled down to the charge that he violated the “guy’s code,” ratting out Shaq, which apparently is the worst thing that a living, breathing man can do. No word yet on what the worst thing a living, breathing woman can do.

The “moron’s code,” as I call it, and any one who actually tries to make an argument defending it, is also now being used to condemn Jackson for ratting out his former players. There’s some poetry in that.

“There are anecdotes that portray things that took place or were said in private, closed door meetings,” read a Laker statement released to rebut excerpts from Jackson’s book. “And while Phil has chosen to go public with some of what took place in these meetings, we will respect the spirit of privacy....”

I’m waiting for the hot tub chapter with Jeanie, but so far all we’ve learned is that Jackson was engaged in a “psychological war” with Bryant. Take a look at Jackson’s entire life and when wasn’t he engaged in psychological war with himself, or making the point to everyone else he was psychologically superior?

There’s a reason why Roland Lazenby named his book “Mind Games, Phil Jackson’s Long Strange Journey.”

When it came to Kobe and Shaq: “at times,” Jackson writes, “the pettiness between the two of them [Shaq and Kobe] was unbelievably juvenile.”

I know Jackson was known for leaving Lakota warrior items in the lockers of his players at times, but I still wonder why he never had Shaq and Kobe smoke the peace pipe.

He made it clear from the outset of their differences that he’d leave them alone to work it out -- raising the question, besides paying Jackson $6 million to date his daughter, what else was Jerry Buss getting from him?

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ONE OF the basic precepts that Jackson lives by is “being present in the moment,” we’ve been told, which is kind of hypocritical when you think of the time he’s put in looking back and writing about it.

The excerpts from his book read more like revenge so far, than explanation for a season gone sour under his leadership. Telling us that Bryant is selfish is no revelation -- especially after watching him play 41 minutes in an exhibition game, scoring 35 points at time when everyone else should be given the chance to develop.

There’s nothing good about any of this. Kobe, Shaq and Jackson have all made millions, they’ve all been adored and successful, and yet right now not a one of them seems all that happy.

And the more we hear from them, the less I could care.

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A FEW first impressions following the Lakers’ preseason debut:

* When the players gathered in the Arrowhead Pond for the opening tip, the referee began by passing the ball to Bryant. Apparently, everyone is now on the same page.

* The first basket was made by Bryant. I think all the others were too.

* Rudy Tomjanovich was on his feet more in the first seven minutes than Chief Sitting Bull in an entire season. No one seemed to be listening to him, but it looked better.

* Tomjanovich mentioned all the injured players who wouldn’t play, but forgot to mention George’s name. It didn’t take him long to figure out there’s nothing memorable about the guy.

* Lamar Odom looks like one of the most dominant players on the court, but he’s too unselfish -- making him more Jackson’s kind of player.

* Chucky Atkins, Chris Mihm and Kareem Rush joined Odom and Bryant in the starting lineup, but I don’t remember anything they did after pregame introductions.

* I worry right now that collectively, the Laker Girls might have more to offer this season than the Laker Players.

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THERE IS all kind of noise out there that Ross Porter, Dodger broadcaster, is going to be replaced by the folks who know nothing -- or, apparently, couldn’t care less -- about Dodger tradition. There’s talk of hiring someone cheaper and someone with less experience, which ranks right up there with suggesting a Dodger mascot.

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IF STAPLES Center boss Tim Leiweke’s intention is to clean up all the garbage in downtown Los Angeles, getting rid of the Clippers is a good start.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Fred E Stemrich:

“My wife of 57 years, a kind, gentle lady of Irish descent, has rarely thought poorly of anyone. However, she is a strong supporter of the Dodgers, Lakers and USC. To paraphrase the story told about Will Rogers, ‘He never met a man he didn’t like.’ Mary Eileen never read a sports writer she didn’t like till she read you.”

I’m thrilled to be the first; next, maybe she can learn to e-mail for herself.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.