In the Wrong Place, With the Wrong Explanation

The car theft suspect had a simple explanation when Hermosa Beach police found him passed out in the back of the vehicle after he had punched out one of the windows. It was his brother’s car, he said.

He had left the keys inside, he said. And he had taken a snooze in the back seat because he didn’t want to drive while drunk, he said.

Just one problem.

The car wasn’t registered to his brother. Said the Beach Reporter newspaper: “Police believe the man smashed the window of the wrong car, and arrested him for vandalism and public intoxication.”

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Guide to Adventurous Dining: Our items du jour (see accompanying) include:

* A soup for workers who grumble that they receive nothing but crumbs from management (submitted by Tracy Martin).

* A beverage for the above gripers (Mary M. deVall).

* And, a place where you can get your food cleaned (Terry Shaw).

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And, after dining: How about a nap? One reader wonders, though, whether you’d get much rest on a pillow with such a hard-edged name (see accompanying).

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We must have a bad connection! With school back in session, one reader sent me a widely traveled Internet item that was billed as “the actual answering machine message” for Palisades High.

The menu was supposedly instituted a couple of years ago after the school district overruled the school’s policy of flunking students with numerous unexcused absences. The message asks the caller to “please listen to all your options before making a selection”:

* “To lie about why your child is absent, press 1.”

* “To make excuses for why your child did not do his work, press 2.”

* “To complain about what we do, press 3.”

“To swear at staff members, press 4.”

* “To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several fliers mailed to you, press 5.”

* “If you want us to raise your child, press 6.”

It concludes: “If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, classwork, homework, and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day!”

Actually, the school never used such a message. It’s just an urban folk tale. An interesting idea though, isn’t it?

miscelLAny: An item here about a business called Swindle Jewelry reminded John Wade of Newbury Park of three firefighters he served with years ago: Max Crook, Barry Steele and Joe Swindle. Said Wade: “If they had gone into the law profession, they would have had a great firm name.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083; by fax at (213) 237-4712; by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012; and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes. com.