It has a nice ring to it

REPRESENTATIVES OF THE MAJOR Hollywood studios and the screenwriters union sat down this week to discuss how to divide a new pot of gold: revenue from selling snippets of movie dialogue as mobile phone ring tones.

As is often the case in Tinseltown, however, the participants had a hard time sustaining the talks because their cellphones kept ringing. Or rather, they kept emoting.

“It’s good to be the king!” blared one studio executive’s phone.

“Show me the money!” retorted a phone belonging to a rep from the Writers Guild of America.

The situation soon became so tense, the roomful of negotiators did the unthinkable: They stepped onto the patio and left their cellphones behind.

Although actual face-to-face communication proved difficult, reports are that they made some progress.

Meanwhile, their cellphones continued their chatter.

“You owe me money!”

“Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.”

“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

“Stupid is as stupid does.”

“Just remember this ... this rabble you’re talking about ... they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community.”

“Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.”

“Greed is right. Greed works.”

“You can’t handle the truth!”

“As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.”

“You talkin’ to me?”

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”

“I’d rather stick needles in my eyes.”

“Gentlemen. You can’t fight in here. This is the war room!”

The phones suddenly fell silent. Then, a studio executive’s Blackberry weighed in: “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.”

After another pause, a screenwriter’s phone sang out, “I wouldn’t give you two cents for all your fancy rules if, behind them, they didn’t have a little bit of plain, ordinary, everyday kindness and a little looking out for the other fella too.”

The cellphones then broke for lunch. When they returned, one that had been out of service sprang to life: “You had me at hello.”

Their assistants faxed the agreement to their owners the next morning.