Not a Good Time to Be American in Paris

In the interest of Franco-American relations, Lance Armstrong ought to take a dive in the final week of the Tour de France.

At least that’s the thinking of syndicated columnist Norman Chad, who wrote: “Let’s face it, Uncle Sam isn’t showing up on France’s AOL Buddy List any time soon. They’re in a bad mood anyway -- Paris just lost its bid to host the Summer Olympics and, frankly, the new Beaujolais isn’t quite up to snuff.

“So when Armstrong hits town with Sheryl Crow riding sidesaddle, I don’t expect Jacques Chirac to throw him a state dinner.”

Added Chad: “Every year since 1999, Armstrong makes it through a couple thousand miles faster than anyone. Well, it’s not Armstrong -- it’s the bike. Heck, Wilbur Post could’ve ridden Secretariat to victory in the Belmont; Armstrong just has the better Schwinn, or whatever $5,500 two-wheeler he’s put on his Visa card.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the record for the longest NFL playing career by a Heisman Trophy winner?

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Cart-astrophy: There probably have been better getaways, but perhaps none as creative as what Cumberland County sheriff’s deputies encountered when they responded to an early-morning burglary at a store in North Pownal, Maine. The deputies passed two suspicious-looking teenagers heading in the opposite direction, Associated Press reported.

Wrote Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “No word on which was the bigger tipoff for the cops: the two cases of beer in plain sight or the vehicle they were driving down state Route 231 at 4 in the morning.

“A stolen golf cart.”

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Game on: A new video game from EA Sports, “NCAA Football ‘06,” features authentic teams and stadiums and even a race for the Heisman Trophy.

“In fact,” wrote Randy Turner of the Winnipeg (Canada) Free Press, “the game is so realistic that you can play it nonstop for four straight years and still not graduate.”

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Looking back: On this date in 1909, Cleveland shortstop Neal Ball caught Ambrose McConnell’s line drive, stepped on second to double off Heinie Wagner, then tagged Jake Stahl to complete the first modern major league unassisted triple play in a 6-1 victory over the Boston Pilgrims, now the Red Sox.

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Twice as nice: On this date in 1911, former circus acrobat Walter Carlisle completed an unassisted triple play for the Vernon Tigers -- yes, the suburb of Los Angeles -- of the Pacific Coast League when he caught a ball in shallow center field, performed a flip, touched second base, then beat the runner back to first.

After numerous relocations, including Venice and San Francisco, the Tigers became the Hollywood Stars in 1938.

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Trivia answer: Vinny Testaverde, who won the Heisman Trophy with Miami in 1986, was still active with the Dallas Cowboys in 2004, his 19th season. And Dallas officials have said they want him back this fall.

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And finally: NBC’s Jay Leno, after skateboarder Danny Way jumped over the Great Wall of China: “Very inspiring. In fact, today, thousands of skateboard ramps are now [being] put up along the U.S.-Mexican border.”