Jackson, Bryant Have Issues to Discuss

Can this marriage be saved?

Can the relationship between Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant, one defined at the end by telltale comments and a tell-all book, be rebuilt for the good of the Lakers?

Experts in the art of reconciliation say it can be, as long as both parties admit to their roles in the breakup and agree to put the past to rest.

“One of the biggest obstacles to reconciliation is living in the past,” said Laura Davis, author of “I Thought We’d Never Speak Again: The Road From Estrangement to Reconciliation.”

“Reconciliation can only happen in the present. What kind of relationship are we going to have now? What am I going to do now in regards to this person?”

Jackson, who in his book “The Last Season” wrote that Bryant was “addicted to control” and could be “consumed with surprising anger,” said the star guard had called him Tuesday morning to congratulate him on his rehiring as Laker coach.

“We have tremendous communication,” Jackson said, “and a tremendous ability to work together.” But in his book, Jackson wrote: “Kobe will confide only with the people he trusts, and I certainly have never been a card-carrying member of that group.”

That was evident near the end of Jackson’s first go-round with the Lakers, when the icy relationship between the coach and Bryant was outstripped only by the public power struggle between Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal.

Sports psychologist Richard Lustberg said the Lakers near the end of the first Jackson era mirrored a dysfunctional family and eventually crumbled.

“The family broke up and the offspring weren’t getting along,” Lustberg said. “The father and the two sons were not able to reconcile. One of the sons was actually challenging the father in an effort to take over the team himself. Phil could not leave under those circumstances. He needed to return.

“The prodigal father is now coming home, and he has no downside risk. Kobe, the son, imploded himself.”

Bryant, who in a recent interview said he would “roll with it” if Jackson were rehired by the Lakers, made headlines during the 2004 All-Star break by saying he respected Jackson as a coach but did not like him as a person. Jackson, on the other hand, once suggested to a Chicago reporter that Bryant had sabotaged his own games in high school just so he could win them at the end -- a claim Bryant later rejected as “ridiculous.”

As the youngest player in NBA history to score 14,000 points, Bryant clearly has separated himself from the pack. But, Jackson wrote, that separation wasn’t always a positive thing.

“A part of him wants desperately to be in the group, to enjoy the camaraderie of his teammates, basketball serving as his only true escape,” he wrote. “But there is another part of Kobe, which often wins out, a part that wants, perhaps needs, to be isolated from the group. To have it both ways is simply not possible.”

The onus is now on Jackson to bring Bryant back into the fold, said Dr. Joyce Brothers.

“It’s going to be extremely difficult,” Brothers said. “We think of athletes as team players, but they’re the least team-minded players in the world. People who are very successful in athletics seem to be loners. That’s why coaches are necessary. It’s not as much to teach the players the game, but to coach a team feeling so that everybody has a chance to stand in the spotlight.”

It isn’t necessary for Jackson and Bryant to like each other, Brothers said, only to put the team first.

“They’ll have to verbally say, ‘We have to put this behind us,’ ” she said. “When they go home at night they might not be very happy, but they’ll get through it.”

Even though Jackson was critical of Bryant in his book, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing for the future of their relationship, some experts say.

“Nobody does what Phil Jackson did if he doesn’t care,” said Dr. Judith Sherven, who co-wrote “Be Loved For Who You Really Are” with her husband, Dr. Jim Sniechowski. “You don’t bother to do that toward somebody you have no feelings for.”

By Sniechowski’s thinking, building the most critical Laker relationship will be akin to salvaging a marriage.

“It’s the star and the coach,” he said. “It’s sort of like Mom and Dad. How are they going to pull this off for the sake of the team? That’s going to have to be the driving priority of their relationship.

“They are going to have to attain what many of us desire, and what relatively few of us achieve: They’re going to have to grow up.”

Staff writer Bob Rohwer contributed to this report.