Phillips Catches Flak, Then He Catches On

Someone had placed an empty water cooler bottle on the table in the middle of the Dodger clubhouse Tuesday.

The bottle was wrapped in white tape, and on the tape someone had written in black: “Jason Phillips: Just in case I get caught fund,” referring to his concerns in the newspaper that if he ever tested positive for steroids he might have to work in a Burger King.

There was $1.25 inside, certainly too much money to think the Boston Parking Lot Attendant had made the initial contribution, but enough to get Tom Lasorda’s attention if it continued to sit there unattended.

Pitcher Derek Lowe called me over to his locker. “I’ve got to go out and practice bunting, but if you’re going to talk to Phillips, I’ll wait five minutes. I don’t want to miss anything.”

A moment later Phillips came in, we met at his locker and Milton Bradley, the Dodgers’ well-known peacemaker, walked between us. Very funny.

A day earlier Phillips had gone wacko, angry and screaming about a Bill Plaschke column, and I think we can all relate to that, but taking it all out on The Times’ Page 2 columnist -- and I know a lot of you can relate to that.

Someone wanted to know if I was worried Phillips might throw a punch because I wrote about his temper tantrum, but I’ve seen Phillips try to throw the ball to second base, so I was pretty sure he’d be way off target.

I started gently with Phillips, asking him why everyone was running wild on him, including the opposition’s pitcher.

Before he answered, Eric Gagne came by to say he was having a charity bowling tournament in Hollywood on Aug. 8 for the benefit of the Dodgers’ Foundation and Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA and he was going to put me and Phillips on the same team.

Phillips said he was no good, and I agreed with him because I know how mad he can get, and I figured we already were going to have a major problem with the bowling shirts. Because Phillips has made such a big deal already about living from paycheck to paycheck, you know he’s going to expect me to pay for them.

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PHILLIPS COULDN’T have been more pleasant Tuesday afternoon. I was worried he was going to ask me for a hug. I was afraid how he might take rejection.

“I just lose it sometimes,” he said, and I tried to act as if I was surprised, as if I couldn’t imagine that happening. “I was just upset about the steroid story [in Sunday’s Times] and the way it came off. Do I agree with a 50-game suspension? No, it’s too much.”

I told him I wasn’t interested in his opinions on steroids, confusing me once again with Plaschke, and said I was only interested in his ability to say the dumbest things.

“I’m just an emotional guy and then the moment is gone. I got into it once with a writer at the triple-A level,” he said, and I tried to act as if I was surprised, as if I couldn’t imagine that happening. “And I was a journalism major in college ... “

I understand now why he’s playing baseball.

*

PHILLIPS, OBVIOUSLY inspired by our new relationship, put the Dodgers ahead for good with a two-run double in the fifth. And Jeff Kent thinks I have no impact on what happens with the Dodgers.

With that in mind, I moved on to the team’s third baseman. The Dodgers presently do not have a third baseman on the roster who can hit his weight, which is probably a good reason why Norihiro Nakamura ought to go on a diet -- because it might be his only shot to ever hit his weight.

Nakamura is batting .152, while Jose Valentin began the game without a hit in his last 26 at-bats. Most teams get power numbers from their third basemen; the Dodgers have gotten more strikeouts -- 25, than hits -- 17, from Valentin and Nakamura.

“I hit .220 last year,” Valentin began, whiffing once more.

“Actually, you hit .216 last year,” I said, “so why should anyone think you’re going to get hot this year?”

Valentin didn’t flinch. “It’s not the first time I’ve been through something like this. I’m not going to panic.”

Inspired, of course, Valentin singled to snap his hitless streak, but then left with a sprained knee, leaving Nakamura and second baseman Antonio Perez, who is in Las Vegas learning how to play the position, to replace Adrian Beltre. I would say now is the time to panic.

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ERIN-ANN SCOTT sang the national anthem before the game while wearing tattered jeans. Obviously she’s also living paycheck to paycheck.

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NO QUESTION $2 Tuesdays have been a success at Dodger Stadium, bringing together all the local goons, while allowing the Boston Parking Lot Attendant to park more cars and sell more concessions.

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I DON’T think it’s too much of a stretch to suggest Paul Sunderland had a better year than Brian Grant, but it’s Sunderland who won’t be back with the Lakers.

I never like the idea of someone losing a job, but Sunderland lacked the sense of humor and dash of flair, making his call of the game more serious business than fun and entertainment. Memories of Chick Hearn, of course, will do that to you.

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DODGER FAN Stephen Ricci noticed the huge pictures on the outside walls of Dodger Stadium and found it odd that Jim Tracy was pictured wearing No. 12 when he walks around all day wearing No. 16.

Ricci said he told the Parking Lot Attendant about it, but got no response. No, not that Parking Lot Attendant.

He mentioned it to a Dodger receptionist, who took down the information and gave him a blue card with the players’ names and numbers on it. I guess they didn’t give that card to the folks who put up the pictures outside the stadium.

The Dodgers, while aware of the problem, have made no move to fix it. A team spokesman said Tracy likes the picture since it was taken when he was still a young man.

Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.