Mexico Deserves Better Than 49ers-Cardinals

There’s a right and a wrong way to do everything, especially when it comes to exporting a national obsession to a foreign land where there are millions of converts to be won and potentially billions of dollars to be made.

Soccer got it right, dispatching the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea and Real Madrid, among the top clubs in Europe, for spread-the-message purposes in the United States. In fact, the strategy worked so well, it helped stunt the growth of Major League Soccer, which looked like double-A minor league ball by comparison.

How are you going to keep them down with the Columbus Crew after they’ve seen Zinedine Zidane?

The NFL -- operational motto: “Today America, Tomorrow the World” -- doesn’t think that way. The NFL thinks that anything stamped with the red-white-and-blue shield is irresistible to any and all humans, regardless of whether or not they speak English. Look how well the league did when it moved into Tennessee.

So, for its first regular-season venture into a foreign country, the NFL has scooped up the scraps under the table and is throwing the Arizona Cardinals and San Francisco 49ers to Mexico City for a game that will be televised live by ESPN at 5:30 p.m. on Sunday -- or as it is described on secret strategic memos, “The NFL Game That Will Keep All Mexicans Avid Soccer Fans Forever.”

In 2004, the 49ers went 2-14 and would have been 0-16 if not for two overtime victories over the Cardinals.

In 2005, the 49ers are 1-2 and the Cardinals are 0-3 and their defenses combined are yielding an average of 33 points a game and this matchup is so universally repulsive, Kurt Warner has refused to participate.

(All right, the official word on Warner is “groin injury.” An embarrassing admission to have to make, yes, but, you know, whatever it takes to get out of this mess.)

From an NFL/American consumer perspective, moving this dog south of the border makes short-term economic sense. First of all, who’s going to miss it? Second, the game is technically an Arizona home game, meaning Sun Devil Stadium will have a few thousand more empty seats than usual this Sunday, so no big deal.

It has been fascinating to watch U.S. media outlets tiptoe around the obvious while discussing the historical importance of two of the worst teams in professional football masquerading as “NFL ambassadors” inside Azteca Stadium.

USA Today actually described the matchup as “an important NFC West game,” which must have been tough to type while keeping a straight face. There is no such thing as an important NFC West game, as the division is pro football’s answer to the National League West. (What is it about West Coast professional sports teams these days? A topic for further research.)

In an ESPN promotional release, Joe Theismann promoted the game by saying “We ... have two evenly matched teams in the San Francisco 49ers and Arizona Cardinals.”

And, well, what can you say except Theismann is certainly right about that?

It’s Tim Rattay against Josh McCown!

It’s the NFL’s worst defense against the NFL’s next-to-worst defense!

The best thing Mexico City can say about it is: It’s here today and gone tomorrow!

Also available for viewing this weekend:

TODAY

* New York Yankees at Boston Red Sox

(Channel 11, 10 a.m.)

Around this time of year, it’s always so important to get a line on how Pete Rose might be betting during baseball’s postseason. Earlier this week on “The Best Damn Sports Show Period,” Rose was asked for his World Series picks and he replied, “I believe it’s going to be the Cardinals ... and I think they’re going to play the Yankees.”

Given Rose’s track record, you know what this means: The Atlanta Braves over the Chicago White Sox in the Series.

* “NHL Fresh Ice”

(Channel 4, 11 a.m.)

NBC televises a half-hour preview of the NHL season, now that there is an NHL season to preview. As for recapturing the attention of alienated fans, well, in recent hockey developments, King forward Sean Avery insulted “most French guys in our league with a visor on” as lacking courage, Duck goaltender Jean-Sebastien Giguere called Avery “a moron” and Colorado Avalanche forward Ian Laperriere said that if Avery is “looking for a French guy to back things up, I’m the guy.”

Evidently, this is all part of the new NHL marketing strategy: “If It’s Good Enough for Pro Wrestling, It’s Good Enough for Us.”

* USC at Arizona State

(Channel 7, 12:30 p.m.)

To the victors goes the best college football broadcasting team in the business, Keith Jackson and Dan Fouts. In a recent SIoncampus.com poll, 63% of respondents named Jackson their favorite play-by-play announcer, with Brad Nessler getting 15% of the vote, Brent Musburger 12%, Sean McDonough 7% and Tom Hammond 3%.

About those 37% who voted for someone on that list other than Jackson: They’re the same people picking Arizona State to win this game.

SUNDAY

* Dodgers at San Diego Padres

(FSNW2, 1 p.m.)

For suffering Dodger fans, the final stomachache is at hand. It was interesting to hear Jim Tracy finally concede that even without the injuries, this Dodger squad was not good enough to win 90 games.

Two reactions: 1) Now he tells us. 2) Now he tells us something we all knew seven months ago.

* Angels at Texas Rangers

(FSNW, 11 a.m.)

Meanwhile, the Angels are American League West champions for the second consecutive season and playoff-bound for the third time in four years. Funny, but hardly anyone around here is cursing Arte Moreno’s name this week. It feels kind of good to have Los Angeles in with a chance to reach the World Series, don’t you think?