Crooning, ‘tooning quintet

In case you haven’t heard -- and really, why would you have -- Madonna will perform at the Grammy Awards Wednesday night with ... cartoon characters. Yes, Madge and 2D, Murdoc, Noodle and Russel -- the four fictional animated members of the virtual band Gorillaz -- will do a quintet.

One has to wonder why Gorillaz -- the brain baby of Blur’s Damon Albarn, drawn by “Tank Girl” comic artist Jamie Hewlett -- wanted to share a stage with Madonna. After all, “they” have four Grammy nods, including record of the year for their song “Feel Good Inc.” The ‘toons are up against Mariah Carey’s “We Belong Together,” Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl” and Kanye West’s “Gold Digger.”

As for Madonna, her rep Liz Rosenberg told People: “She likes them. She’s promoting her album [‘Confessions on a Dance Floor’]. She’s won a lot of Grammys. It seems like a wonderful opportunity for her.”

Good results from ‘The Good Body’

It was feminist politics as usual Wednesday, the opening night of Eve Ensler’s new theatrical work, “The Good Body,” raising money for V-Day.

After her one-woman show about her flabby belly, ice cream, exercising, liposuction, Botox, breast implants, mothers, daughters and self-acceptance, Ensler thanked a few people for their support.

First on “The Vagina Monologues” creator’s list was antiwar activist Cindy Sheehan, who stood up and flashed a peace sign to the wildly applauding Wadsworth Theatre audience, which included former Lifetime chief executive Carole Black; former PBS president Pat Mitchell, now head of the Museum of Television & Radio; director Ron Howard and his wife, Cheryl; actresses Christine Lahti, Doris Roberts, Sally Field; and Ensler’s stepson, actor Dylan McDermott.

Sheehan had flown to L.A. from Washington, D.C., Wednesday morning, hours after she and a congressman’s wife were ejected from President Bush’s State of the Union address for wearing T-shirts with war messages. Wearing a pink wool scarf, she didn’t look half bad, considering her rough week.

“They’ve dropped the unlawful-conduct charges,” Sheehan said as she headed to the Napa Valley Grille for the after-party. “But I’m still going to sue.”

Event organizers estimate they raised about $200,000 for global efforts to help stop violence against women and girls, the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s Lily Tomlin Jane Wagner Cultural Arts Center and the HerShe Group, which helps girls from the foster care system. Among the event’s top sponsors: Black; Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams, a furniture company; and the Los Angeles Times.

And why did Sheehan come to the V-Day LA fundraiser? To see her pal, self-proclaimed “Vagina Warrior” Ensler. “Her V-Day organization is so inspirational. She does amazing work.”

Clooney cozies up with Hatcher

Not every woman in Hollywood is lusting after George Clooney, who’s back to his slim self after packing on 30-plus pounds to play an over-the-hill CIA agent in “Syriana.”

Patricia Heaton, at the Directors Guild Awards on Saturday, spotted the handsome nominee in the audience and confessed her true feelings.

“George,” she admitted, as she leaned over the lectern, “I liked you better as a fat man. I just saw ‘Syriana,’ and you really had that belly thing going on. It was like ... wow.”

After the audience’s laughter died down, she regained her composure and presented the DGA’s coveted gold plaque to Chris Eyre (Showtime’s “Edge of America”) for outstanding directorial achievement in children’s programs.

Hear that, George? Stop dieting and working out.

Teri Hatcher was seen flirting with Clooney at the Screen Actors Guild awards Sunday night, and the hot duo was reportedly spotted all cozy at some romantic L.A. restaurants.

When Clooney’s spokesman, Stan Rosenfield, was recently asked by the Scoop on MSNBC to respond to reports that the hunky actor had gone on dates with the “Desperate Housewives” star, he replied, “What is your definition of a date?”

Wow. Sounds Clintonian.

A strange entry in Ledger behavior

Some viewers were shocked at Heath Ledger’s apparent gay spoof at the Screen Actors Guild Awards.

On the podium with Jake Gyllenhaal to introduce a clip from “Brokeback Mountain,” Ledger kept putting his hands on his cocked hip as he read the teleprompter, acting as if auditioning for Carmen Ghia, the flamboyantly gay choreographer in “The Producers.”

“It was insulting,” said one Hollywood insider. “Heath lost a lot of support from the Hollywood gay community after that bizarre performance.”

It’s a real shame that the Directors Guild Awards, held the night before, weren’t televised. Then viewers would have seen the actor’s heartfelt expression of gratitude to director Ang Lee, who won the DGA’s top filmmaker award that night.

Ledger thanked the director for “introducing us to these delicate characters. It took a delicate man to tell this story, and that’s you.” To which Lee then joked, “I don’t know about you, but that feels a little gay to me.”

Snead writes “Styles & Scenes” as a blog for The Envelope (TheEnvelope.com).