Fans Will Probably Fall Foul of These Laws

The latest commercials for Miller Lite beer feature Burt Reynolds and myriad macho personalities in and out of the sports world debating “Man Law,” including how soon you can make a play for a woman who dumped your best friend.

Pundits at Foxsports.com tweaked the concept to offer “Fan Law,” or, as they are calling it, the “Bill of You Don’t Have the Rights.”

A sampling:

* “If you’re old enough to drive yourself to the baseball game, you’re too old to bring your mitt in the hopes that a foul ball comes your way.”

* “Wearing your team’s jersey is not only permissible, it’s encouraged. But wearing your team’s jersey with your name stenciled on the back -- like you were the final spring training cut or something -- is neither.”

* “Unless we are in your fantasy baseball league-weekly poker game, you may not bore us with endless details about how the sweet deal you made for a backup shortstop will give you the lead in steals or how you got a bad beat on the river. And even if we are in your fantasy baseball league-weekly poker game, we’re still really not all that interested.”

*

Trivia time: In their first trade, the Angels sent outfielder Jim McAnany to the Chicago Cubs in 1961 for what future Dodgers World Series hero?

*

Punch drunk: Four-time heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield, 43 and four years past his most recent win, plans to un-retire again to fight journeyman Jeremy Bate on Aug. 19 in Dallas.

Wrote Greg Cote in the Miami Herald: “We knew he was missing part of his ear. Now we are quite sure he’s missing part of his brain too.”

*

You gotta have Hart: On San Jose Sharks center Joe Thornton’s winning the Hart Trophy as the NHL’s most valuable player, Tim Kawakami wrote in the San Jose Mercury News:

“There might be one or two, but I can’t remember any other MVP, in any major sport, winning the award after being traded in the middle of the season. Which makes Thornton an ultimate Hart transplant.”

*

Worth attending: The NFL held its annual four-day rookie symposium this week in Carlsbad.

“It’s saved a lot of careers,” comedian Argus Hamilton said. “The rookies get lectures on how to stay out of trouble, how to avoid drugs, and how to tell which girls have parents with lawyers.”

*

Looking back: On this date in 1938, Don Budge beat Henry Austin, successfully defending his title at Wimbledon. That same year, Budge won the Australian, French and U.S. opens and became tennis’ first Grand Slam winner.

He died of cardiac arrest in 2000 at 84.

*

Trivia answer: Outfielder “Sweet Lou” Johnson, who hit two home runs, including the Game 7 winner in the Dodgers’ victory over the Minnesota Twins in the 1965 World Series.

*

And finally: The top pick in the recent NBA draft by the Washington Wizards was Oleksiy Pecherov.

Wrote Peter Schmuck in the Baltimore Sun: “I sure hope that isn’t Ukrainian for Kwame Brown.”