A Lively Family Vacation, and Everyone’s a Critic

Before I get to the Dodgers, I guess it’s true there’s always someone worse off out there -- when I saw on the news the other night a huge RV catching fire, I understood why several members of the family asked whether I had anything to do with it.

Six of us set out in a 37-foot RV on a 14-day trip across America, and following an honest-to-goodness family mutiny, only two made it all the way, the others flying home early because having that many people screaming “I can’t take it anymore” in such a confined area became very annoying.

Take into account the cost of one-way airline tickets on short notice for the mutinous family members, nine miles to the gallon and staying in hotels as many nights as we stayed in the RV because we couldn’t figure out how to empty the black water, and we could have gone to Europe. And then Japan.

The so-called vacation began with the

7-Eleven Kid getting sick as soon as we arrived in Nebraska, and while we tried to explain to the baby we weren’t moving to Nebraska, she wouldn’t stop throwing up until we crossed into Iowa.

The problem with Iowa is it has signs prohibiting anyone from picking up hitchhikers, ruining any chance Miss Radio Personality might have had of meeting her future husband, which probably explains why she started throwing up.

Then the wife got sick, and I can tell you for a fact -- there’s no way she could’ve been pregnant.

Each November, The Times’ travel section runs the worst travel story of the year, so you know what this year’s will be. This Thanksgiving it will be a nice reminder to folks to give thanks they are not a part of our family, which unfortunately also won’t do much for Miss Radio Personality’s chances of finding a husband.

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I CHATTED with the Dodgers’ Andre Ethier, and obviously got him going.

Ethier pointed to his name in the cleanup spot before the Dodgers’ game with his bat, telling reporters, “Look at that, the critics never thought they’d see that. Look at that.”

I don’t know anyone in town who has criticized Ethier, so a few minutes later I went to him, and he turned away and refused to talk. I’ve never written a word about Ethier, if my memory is correct, or talked to him before, but then why would I?

I asked him why he was mum, and got nothing until he turned to repeatedly say, “I’m a humble man. God’s given me my gift,” which might be true but doesn’t explain why this humble man had to point out he’s now God’s gift to the Dodgers as their cleanup hitter.

Ethier went out and hit two home runs, and while he came across as a jerk off the field, no one has a problem with an athlete these days acting like a jerk as long as he can hit. The way things are going, the Dodgers certainly can’t be picky.

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THE JEWISH Journal recently did a profile under the headline: “Jamie McCourt Proves She’s an Artful Dodger President.”

At one point in the story, the author makes the case that McCourt is quick with the quip but certainly “no Screaming Meanie.”

“I never scream,” Jamie McCourt is quoted as saying in the article. “If you want to pick a nickname, at least pick one that’s true.”

I gave that some thought, and I think Frank’s Old Lady makes a good point.

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THE DODGERS invited fans to attend Saturday’s game with the lure of getting free tickets to Universal Studios for kids 14 and under.

That’s interesting, because Universal Studios is already giving free tickets to youngsters 15 and under as long as an adult pays the regular admission price.

So from what I gather, the Dodgers either want kids 14 and under to run wild at Universal Studios without parental supervision, a great deal for parents who don’t want to pay for admission and don’t care about their kids.

Or, they were giving away something with no value. In either case, the Dodgers obviously don’t have an interest in 15-year-olds.

“We plead ignorance on this one,” said the Tipper Gore Lady, who works as the Dodgers’ spokesperson.

Any time the Dodgers plead ignorance, I find it hard to argue.

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JAKE FIELD is 10, and lives in L.A. with his family, including his father, George, a supervisor for the Department of Homeland Security. Jake has been a big-time fan of the A’s, and a catcher, just like Oakland’s Jason Kendall.

In October, Jake began treatment for brain cancer. When he requested a Kendall jersey, Kendall showed up at the youngster’s L.A. home with it.

“It was the first time Jake laughed and smiled since this whole episode began,” George said. “Kendall sat with Jake for more than an hour talking baseball and asking for advice on how to throw out runners.”

Things haven’t gone well for Jake recently, the cancer spreading and eliminating surgical options. The family recently decided to dedicate themselves to Jake’s quality of life, and cease further curative care.

When the A’s were made aware of this, they immediately reacted and invited Jake to join them for Monday’s game in Oakland.

The family arrived Sunday, and “Jason called Jake at the hotel and said we could use his suite for the game and Jake could eat whatever he wanted and not pay,” George said. “Jake got real excited about that.

“Jason told him all the players would be waiting for him on the field, and then he told me to cancel our airplane reservations because he was chartering a private jet to take us home.

“It’s overwhelming,” George said. “You see how people step up to do the right thing, and even go the extra step and for someone they didn’t even know. For Jake, it’s just a dream come true.”

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T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.