Jackson’s $10-Million Idea: Let the Lakers Take It Easy

The question before Monday’s night game was an obvious one: “How come our heroes can’t play every night like they did against Detroit?”

Without hesitation, Phil Jackson said, “You have to understand this is a very complicated game. [The Lakers] played four games in five nights so they were too tired to think and they just had to play.”

Not exactly Jon Stewart, but a darn good attempt.

“You need to practice them harder,” I suggested, and you would think the guy getting paid $10 million a year would figure that out, but instead, he gave them Sunday off.

“No, the reality of it is scheduling had something to do with it obviously,” Jackson said. “Detroit looked tired and they faded in the fourth quarter.”

So much for the Lakers’ most stunning win in the last two years. The Lakers were fortunate to win because Detroit was tired, and Jackson thinks I’m negative.

“Might this be an indication of what you could get out of these guys, though, or was it just a mirage?” I asked.

“I’ve been optimistic,” Jackson said. “You’re the one who has been pessimistic,” and I have no idea where he got that idea.

“I’m going with you right now,” I assured him.

“OK, thank you,” he said. “I’ve been optimistic. We’ve been talking about making the playoffs from Day 1, right?”

Talking, dreaming, whatever. Someone mentioned San Antonio, which will certainly make the playoffs, and Jackson said, “This is all just a dance to get to the playoffs all these 82 games. For us, it’s a Bataan march.”

“I thought you were optimistic, and you’re likening it to the Bataan death march?”

“Well,” Jackson said, “You know people survived that march.”

*

JOHN BLACK, the Lakers’ PR guy, looked confused. He had no idea what Jackson was talking about. “Bataan?” he said, while asking how to spell it.

Our Laker beat reporter, Mike Bresnahan, said, “Is it a Vietnam thing?”

I mentioned World War II and his eyes glazed over. “And I’m a history major,” he said, and also a graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

Now if the team’s old PR guy and the smart young guy assigned to cover the team regularly have no idea what Jackson is talking about, what are the chances his players understand what he has to say?

*

I THOUGHT things were going well for the Lakers when Jackson and I were telling them they stunk. “You were tough on the guys before the Detroit game,” I reminded him, “but now they play well, you give them the day off. Are you being too nice?”

“I told the players it’s just time to get your performance back, let’s go find what you did Saturday night, and do it again Monday night.”

“That’s your speech?” I said. “It didn’t sound like a very peppy pregame talk.”

“The pregame talk is later on,” Jackson said. “I get paid for that one.”

“You get $10 million; you get paid for everything.”

But now I wonder if the problem is the Lakers aren’t paying the Zen Disaster enough to make halftime adjustments, the Lakers losing again because they got blasted in the third quarter, this time 36-19.

I’m sure he has an explanation, but the Lakers are leaving town, which means we won’t have a chance to talk and I fear the season now could be lost.

*

THE LAKER crowd displayed no class when Tim Duncan went to the floor clutching his eye. They continued to mock him as he lay there, but he drew a smattering of applause when he got up and went to the locker room. He didn’t return.

*

RAN INTO Laker fan Francisco Canche at the game. He wanted his name on Page 2. Why not?

*

SEVERAL FOLKS e-mailed to ask if I noticed Salma Hayek at the Academy Awards, the obvious answer, “yes,” but the trick was to notice and carry on a conversation with the wife without her noticing what I was noticing.

By the way, the wife said she thinks George Clooney is “a hunk.” I’ve got news for George, she also thinks Regis Philbin is funny.

*

I READ Steve Henson’s story in The Times that Derek Lowe mowed down all nine Mets he faced, and that Odalis Perez was “nearly as sharp” as Lowe. So I began getting excited about the Dodgers, but read on to learn, “The Mets did not bring any established major league players to Dodgertown.” That’ll teach me to read a Henson story from top to bottom.

*

IN THE now-you-tell-me category of useless information, Ed Burgart, Los Alamitos track announcer and track handicapper, went 11 for 11 with his selections Saturday night, turning a profit of $26.20 for a $2 wager on every race. By the time you paid for gas, parking, admission, program and concessions, you would have gone home with two dimes in your pocket.

*

CHARLOTTE, N.C, has been selected as home for the future NASCAR Hall of Fame. I think that’s far enough away.

*

TODAY’S LAST word comes in a letter from Edward Lara Jr.:

“One day I was looking through old family photos with my granddaughter, Larissa [Lovie], who is 3. My granddaughter stopped at one particular picture and asked who the people were. Grandma Lois told her it was Uncle Toni and Cousin Jr. and explained they were angels now. Lovie became upset and said, ‘No, Grandma.’ My wife said it was OK, because they were in heaven with the angels, but Lovie said, ‘No Grandma, I don’t like angels, I like the Dodgers.’ ”

Whatever, they’re dead, too.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.