Perhaps This Deputy Practiced His Dog Imitation by Barking Orders

One way that the new book “First Responders Handbook of Humor” hopes to help officers and firefighters deal with stress is by relating some of the wacky experiences of their colleagues. For instance, one story told by L.A. County Sheriff’s Deputy Mike Ascolese involves an ingenious ploy to capture a barricaded suspect.

The latter had ignored all warnings over the patrol car’s PA system to surrender, even a threat -- by the deputy in charge -- to deploy a police dog. Ascolese was a bit surprised over the canine mention, since he knew no K-9 unit was on the way or even available. Then, the other deputy announced that he was turning a dog loose -- and began giving his best impression of a hound by barking into the PA system.

The worried suspect poked his head outside and was quickly subdued by several officers.

Honest, Officer: “First Responders Handbook,” written by Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Deputy Dan Jordan and Los Angeles City firefighter John Hicks, also recalls some of the failed excuses of motorists. For instance:

* One young driver told Deputy John Banks that the reason she was speeding was that she had spilled a soft drink on the floor of her car the previous night, making the accelerator sticky. Several months later, Banks stopped the father of the young driver for speeding. He tried the same story, which also fizzled out.

* A woman going 15 mph over the speed limit told Jordan: “I am very low on gas, and I’m trying to reach the next gas station before I run out.”

* A defendant told a judge that he ran a flashing red light because he happened to be blinking his eyes each time the red light flashed, naturally making it impossible for him to see the light. The judge fined the driver and then afterward, according to Buena Park Police Lt. Bob Mote, asked the defendant if he really thought anyone would believe that story. “Nope, but I had to give it a shot,” the man said. The judge added $500 to his fine for lying.

“First Responders” (cont.): Proceeds from the book, which can be ordered at www.firstrespondersbook.com, will be donated to a charity in honor of L.A. County Sheriff’s Deputy Jake Kuredjian, who was killed in the line of duty Aug. 31, 2001.

Dueling signs: Dean Gatons of Crestline saw a listing for a residence whose ownership seems in dispute (see accompanying).

Doctor’s orders: Near Joshua Tree, Linda Harms of Mission Viejo spotted a sign that looked like a medical prescription (see photo).

miscelLAny: Jay Bernstein, the Hollywood personal manager who died the other day, led a colorful life. A scuba diver, he once married model Cabrina Finn underwater before cameras for the TV show “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” (see accompanying). They were divorced on land two years later.