But They Go Aboard Party Boats at Own Risk

Not content with letting their off-the-field misdeeds speak for themselves, the Minnesota Vikings enhanced their reputation as the NFL’s leading punch line by hiring a company to fumigate their locker room last week.

Really.

The Minneapolis Star Tribune ran a short item Tuesday about the Vikings becoming “one of the NFL pioneers in protecting their athletes from microbacteria in the locker and on the practice field.” Coatings Specialist Group proudly announced in a news release that the work being done involved spraying the Vikings’ players facilities with three trademarked protectants designed to prevent bacteria, mold, fungi and algae.

The company included a photo of a well-protected worker fumigating the locker stalls at the team’s practice facility. The Star Tribune ran the photo and invited readers to submit their own captions. Some samplings: From Peter Magnuson of Mahtomedi, Minn.: “Bacteria: check. Mold: check. Fungi: check. Algae: check. DWI and indecent exposure: oh, well.”

From Kevin Kernan of Coon Rapids, Minn.: “[Viking owner Zygi Wilf] rids the locker room of the dreaded ‘partyboatus stairwellius in publicus’ infestation that grips the team.”

From Bryan Douglas Potter of Austin, Texas: “Experimental new cleansing product claims to reduce humiliation by 99.7 percent.”

Trivia time: According to Forbes magazine, the Washington Redskins, worth $1.4 billion, are the most valuable franchise in the NFL. What franchise is considered least valuable?

Take Athens and the points: Unlike the Vikings, the Greeks don’t have these sort of problems because they don’t appreciate the nuances of American professional football, they haven’t yet applied for an NFL Europe expansion franchise and Georgia Frontiere continues to deny reports that she’s considering moving the Rams to Athens.

But give the Greeks a chance, and some time, and watch out, Pittsburgh Steelers. As evidenced at the FIBA World Championship, Greece has not only caught but passed the United States in basketball, defeating the Americans in the semifinals, 101-95.

According to the Associated Press, the news was greeted in Greece by thousands gathering in the streets to wave flags and honk car horns, joined by drivers who saw the scene and promptly abandoned their cars.

It is unclear whether the Greeks were celebrating the victory or mimicking how the U.S. played defense during the second and third quarters.

That long ago? The last time the U.S. won a world championship in basketball was 1994, back when Los Angeles still had two NFL franchises, the baseball team in Anaheim was known as the California Angels and Barry Bonds had a normal-sized head.

Trivia answer: The Vikings, at $720 million.

And finally: Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Johnson told Maxim magazine that there is only one player in the NFL who can shut him down. And that player would be? “Carson Palmer,” Johnson said. “He’s the only one who can stop me. All he has to do is not throw me the ball.”

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mike.penner@latimes.com