Traveling with Dodgers is an essential sacrifice

I leave today to join the Dodgers in Colorado, at great physical risk, what with the state of Nebraska being so close that I’m told you can smell it.

The Dodgers and the Phillies are now running even in the wild-card race, the Dodgers apparently unable to capture the mediocre National League West Division title, which explains why I want to be there for the boys -- leaving behind UCLA and the Angels since they’ve already essentially been eliminated from postseason consideration.

By the way, that reminds me, why would anyone out there ever entertain the thought of being a UCLA football fan? I know I never could picture myself as a Bruins die-hard.

The UCLA schedule had been arranged to give the Bruins a 5-0 start this season, and all the Bruins had to do was show up.

As long as I have been a die-hard USC supporter I have never known Uncle Pete to lose a football game that every one figured was an automatic win.

Think about that. It’s just business as usual for USC every week, winning 48 of the last 50 games, two losses coming against talented opponents, but never once tripping over the miserable likes of a Washington or a Stanford.

So when Bruins safety Chris Horton tells the media, “It happens to every team,” no, it just happens to teams that aren’t always ready to play.

And that’s Karl Dorrell’s fault, especially when you take into consideration the importance he placed on conference games this season.

I believed the man when he went giddy on me at Pac-10 media day before the start of the season, telling me the Bruins were going to shock and surprise everyone this season, never dreaming that he meant his team was going to go belly up when everyone least expected it.

He showed me the blue bracelet he was wearing, a reminder to himself and his team that their goal this season was to win the Pac-10 title, and so Saturday the Bruins go out in their first Pac-10 game of the season, against one of the worst teams in the Pac-10, and crumble.

It’s inexcusable, and yet when a TV crew asked UCLA defensive lineman Bruce Davis, “What did you learn this past Saturday in Washington?” his telling answer was, “You learn not to take games lightly.”

That would suggest the Bruins took Washington lightly, which speaks to not being prepared, and “ultimately it’s on me,” Dorrell said, and rather than start an argument, I didn’t disagree.

“Don’t give up on us,” Dorrell said. “We still got a chance.”

Maybe to finish 6-6.

ONE SIGN the Rangers have officially quit: The only one standing on the top step and leaning on the dugout fence watching Monday night’s game was Manager Buck Showalter, who either doesn’t have many friends or interested players.

I WAS curious which locker the Major Acquisition, you know, the one that Angels’ owner Arte Moreno has guaranteed to deliver here next season, will have in the clubhouse, and asked Adam Kennedy if he had any ideas.

“He can probably have all three of these,” said Kennedy, pointing to his own and those of Darin Erstad and Salt Lake City pitching coach Charles Nagy.

I WANTED to talk to Angels GM Bill Stoneman to check on his progress acquiring that Major Acquisition, but a team official said he was in his office, I presume looking into a mirror and telling himself over and over again, “I can do this.”

I WOULD think the Major Acquisition has to be Manny Ramirez, A-Rod, Alfonso Soriano or Miguel Tejada or Moreno won’t be living up to his guarantee.

TIM SALMON didn’t do much to help the Angels this season, but everyone is cheering him on as the nice guy goes into retirement -- because what else do Angels fans have to cheer for this year? To the team’s credit, though, it found a way to get its money’s worth out of him, using Salmon like some kind of Rally Fish on the scoreboard, showing his face and career highlights to fire up the fans every inning or so.

Now I’ve got no problem terminating the Monkey and using the Rally Fish in the future, with maybe a fish flopping around in the dugout then suddenly jumping up on its fin or making a big splash to get the crowd going. My only concern is that Stoneman might try to pass the Rally Fish off as the Angels’ Major Acquisition.

SALMON HAS already announced he’s going to retire and the Angels announced that Salmon will have a news conference Thursday, I guess to announce that he’s not done talking yet.

THIS PAST weekend we learned our local high school, El Dorado, received a Blue Ribbon for its excellence from the U.S. Department of Education. That’s one more reason -- when it comes time to teach and start coaching the 7-11 Kid -- it might be better if she just moves in with Granny and G.P.

VIN SCULLY, while describing Arizona pitcher Luis Vizcaino on Sunday, said, “He’s working hard to pick up the English language. So am I.”

Vintage Scully, and still the best by far, although keep in mind I’ve been listening a lot recently to Rex Hudler, by way of comparison.

TODAY’S LAST word comes by way of Pony Express from Nebraska from Lance & Kendra Marshall:

“If all Nebraskans are hicks, as you [write], I feel lucky to be a hick. But after seeing your picture, I don’t think I’d be making fun of anyone if I were you. I’m guessing you’re not getting a lot of dates with the models.”

I’d prove you wrong, but do you know how hard it would be to persuade Salma to come with me to Nebraska?