For $1 billion, it’s ‘Viva Las Vegas’

What really stays in Vegas is your money, which is why there are so many fantasies about looting it in all the movies, songs and TV shows about the city.

Not that it’s even easy to imagine.

Even after the thieves in “Ocean’s Eleven” walk out of Terry Benedict’s safe with $150 million, he finds them in the sequel and makes them pay it back, plus $40 million in interest.

Asked if that’s fair, Benedict, played by Andy Garcia, murmurs ominously: “I hope not.”

So you’ve got to give it to David Stern, the perky little NBA commissioner, who isn’t just going to beat this place for a paltry 150 mil.

Assuming he lets this major league-challenged libido theme park into the NBA, the price tag will be a brand new arena (they retail in the $500-million range) plus, say, $500 million in cash for the new franchise.

Split 30 ways among the members of his gang, er, NBA owners, this would be about $17 million each, which would take care of most of their bottom lines for a while.

Fair? Stern hopes not.

Bringing his All-Star game here is looking less like a fortuitous coincidence and more like a brilliantly choreographed mating ritual that will end in a lovely spring wedding.

First, Stern sternly announces his opposition to putting a team here because of the bookmaking issue.

Then after meeting with Mayor Oscar Goodman, Stern says he’s willing to deal since gambling is now part of modern life. Hey, doesn’t the Mohegan Sun Casino own our WNBA Connecticut franchise?

Not that there’s that much betting on the WNBA. In any case, Goodman will make a proposal to a committee of owners April 23. Informal straw votes among Stern’s owners show them running in favor by approximately 30-0.

Talk about a match made in heaven -- assuming, of course, heaven still recognizes this place or, for that matter, the NBA.

Las Vegas gets a team. NBA owners get a windfall. In the two or three years it would take to put up a new building, politicians in Sacramento and Seattle, where arena deals have stalled, are on the clock.

NBA players love it. The mayor loves it.

The local casinos aren’t crazy about it. They prefer to keep you on the premises with their gaming areas, shows, shops, restaurants, swimming pools, golf courses, art collections, private zoos and/or amusement rides.

Three hours in which 18,000 people attend an NBA game represent 54,000 man-hours lost at the tables. Nevertheless, with the frantic competition to keep their high rollers, the casinos will buy as many luxury suites as there are.

Then, there’s the schnook, er, new owner who has to put up the $500 million.

It’s a matter of debate among locals whether a team will draw. The metropolitan area, which has seen explosive growth, still ranks only No. 31 (Seattle is No. 15, Sacramento No. 26).

With all the retirement communities, the demographic skews old rather than young. With traffic snarled on the Strip, which was abandoned to the tourists long ago, locals think twice about running down and catching a show.

Even in UNLV’s heyday under Jerry Tarkanian, it was a hard sell. The current Runnin’ Rebels don’t get in as much trouble with the NCAA or win as many games and draw crowds half the size.

Among the locals with questions are Joe and Gavin Maloof, co-owners of the Kings as well as the Palms Casino, who came up with the idea of bringing the event here.

Despite arena setbacks in Sacramento, they’ve never tried to bring their team here, understanding their rabid little market is a jewel

Stern has taken over the Sacramento negotiations. Representatives of the common man that they are, Joe and Gavin couldn’t resist that star turn in the burger commercial showing them climbing out of a limo with starlets and downing a $6,000 bottle of wine ... as taxpayers voted whether to give them $500 million.

No matter what happens, no one will forget the Las Vegas All-Star game, whether they actually play the game or not.

After a season of public-relations debacles, bringing the game here changed the conversation entirely.

The John Amaechi story was all but swallowed whole by the event, even after Tim Hardaway’s comments kicked it up to a new level.

Hardaway was relieved of his NBA speaking obligations, dropped by everyone he was associated with, however obscure, including a Continental Basketball Assn. team called the Indiana Alley Cats and a grooming products company called Bald Guyz ... and forgotten.

Instead, the buzz was all about the buzz.

“I heard about 62 parties that went on last night and like 107 tonight,” said the Washington Wizards’ Gilbert Arenas. “It’s like, ‘Dang, where do you go?’ ”

It was fun for all but no one more than Stern. The house still always wins but in this game, he’s the house.

*

mark.heisler@latimes.com