Some Dodgers spectators will face a big handicap

I called the Tipper Gore Lady on Wednesday because I was tired, and thought a good laugh might energize me.

I was told, though, that she had gone home early because she was still sick from our walk across the parking lot two days before -- making her officially the first casualty of the Dodgers’ new “controlled zone parking” plan.

Today everybody else gets their turn.

“I sent an e-mail to the Dodgers asking about the cost for handicapped seats and where the handicapped parking was in the new format,” wrote Kathrine Scott. “I got on the Angels’ website and they list the prices and areas where the seats are located. But the Dodger website does not.”

The Dodgers responded to Scott with an e-mail, and here it is in its entirety: “In the loge level, handicap seating is $20 Thank you.”

No mention of parking, and as it turns out, according to a Dodgers spokesperson, no mention of handicapped parking on the team’s new glossy, color-coordinated, 10-page parking brochure that will be given to each arriving motorist today.

I asked where the handicapped are supposed to park, and I got put on hold listening to Dodgers highlights featuring Charley Steiner. I had no idea the punishment would be so severe.

A few minutes later, I was told the handicapped would park “in the same lots as always,” which could make it a little difficult to find for people who have never been to Dodger Stadium.

I asked for the numbers of those handicapped lots so I could let people know, and which gates these fans are supposed to enter, and got put on hold again to listen to Steiner. I guess if I said I was willing to buy season tickets, I would have gotten Scully.

The spokesperson returned to say the handicapped can enter any gate and will be directed to the handicapped lots, I presume by the “human beings” the team has hired to wave their arms at motorists. The spokesperson said the numbers of those handicapped lots have been changed, so she couldn’t say for sure which lots those might be. Let’s make it as tough on the handicapped as possible, I guess.

At the same time, I received several e-mails from stadium employees who have been advised the Dodgers no longer will provide them with a shuttle bus to go from Lot 1 up the hill to their check-in points -- before and after games.

This makes it more important than ever to identify the handicapped lots, because with all those employees walking around in the dark after work while cars are exiting Dodger Stadium, there’s probably going to be a need eventually for more handicapped parking.

“Keep in mind,” wrote Charles F. in an e-mail, “that many game-day employees, particularly among the concession workers, are older people and retirement aged -- and that uphill walk is going to kill them.”

So maybe there won’t be a bigger need for handicapped parking after all.

I AM sad to report the Dodgers are no longer offering Lou Campanella memorabilia on their website. Must’ve sold out.

ESPN THE Magazine polled 80,000 fans and asked them to rank professional sports organizations on such things as coaching, players, fan relations, affordability and stadium experience.

The Angels placed No. 1 in baseball and seventh overall, and the Dodgers finished 60th because, I presume, the analyst working on the story got lost trying to find just the right place to park.

THE CLIPPERS hired Tim Thomas, giving him $24 million over four years because of his shooting prowess while ignoring his reputation for not always putting out, but now he’s the team’s worst free-throw shooter, making less than 70% of his tries.

“So how come you’re so lousy shooting free throws this season?” I asked.

“I’m thinking about you,” Thomas replied, and if only he was always on target like that.

Coach Mike Dunleavy hemmed and hawed when asked about Thomas’ lousy free-throw shooting, but when asked specifically why fans shouldn’t expect a better effort from someone who is supposed to be a shooter, he said, “It’s a reasonable request.”

I OFTEN wonder why people are so critical of Mitch Kupchak, knowing some of it is because he’s no Jerry West. Thank heavens.

West’s Memphis Grizzlies are 190-210 in the regular season under his leadership and have never gone past the first round of the playoffs, finishing 0-12 in postseason play. How would you like Kupchak’s chance of survival with a record like that?

West’s best accomplishment to date is positioning the Grizzlies to have the best chance of grabbing the first pick in the NBA draft -- after putting together the worst record in the league.

LOCAL BUSINESSMAN Mark Kovinsky had a theory and a 5-year-old kid, so to prove that expert bracketologists were no smarter than a kid who knows nothing about basketball, he put Jake to work picking games and bet Page 2 he could do better. I’ve alerted the authorities about the kid’s role in the gambling scheme.

The kid has three of his Final Four choices still alive, including a title matchup between UCLA and Ohio State. He’s also tied for 58th in an online pool of 652 lawyers. I’ve alerted the authorities about the lawyers’ gambling ring and the minor’s involvement.

I will be glad to appear as a character witness for the family, though, the Kovinsky clan putting out a call to friends and relatives, and who knew they had so many. They’ve raised $1,800 in Jake’s name to be donated to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA no matter how the tournament concludes. Way to go, Jake.

If you need me to drive on visiting day to see your dad, let me know.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Steven K. Wagner:

“Hey, T.J., do you think I can get a Joseph Campanella baseball card at dodgers.com? I loved him in ‘Dead Girls Don’t Tango.’ ”

I’m pretty sure the Dodgers will sell you anything.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.