COAST TO COAST

These guys know how to throw a party

Thanks for coming.

In the Seattle SuperSonics’ home opener, 19-year-old Kevin Durant scored 27 points, dazzling the sellout crowd.

“In his first six minutes, Durant filled KeyArena with so much promise . . . we could forget, for a couple of hours, all of the uncertainty swirling like a dust cloud around this franchise,” wrote Steve Kelley of the Seattle Times.

“Kevin Durant is starring in Seattle. Enjoy.”

The next day, owner Clay Bennett announced he had filed papers to move to Oklahoma City.

Not that it is time to call the moving truck. The city has taken the team to court to enforce its KeyArena lease that runs three more seasons through 2010.

Should be a fun time for all.

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Cautionary tale for prodigies

Then there’s LeBron James, runaway rookie of the year in 2004 who has been alternately overhyped or pilloried since, with the needle now swinging back toward:

Bust!

Get ready for the litany: too passive, lacks killer instinct, doesn’t measure up to Michael Jordan.

James hasn’t gotten one bit worse. Unfortunately, his Cavaliers, who reached the Finals after the East parted like the Red Sea, now look like a second-tier power, even in the East.

“Our team doesn’t look good on paper,” James said before the opener, “and right now everybody reports what is on paper. Before we play a game. We’ll see what happens.”

They then unfurled their new “Eastern Conference Champions” banner and lost to Dallas by 18 points.

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Save the tiger

With Dwyane Wade out, Miami turned its lonely eyes to Shaquille O’Neal, who averaged 19 points with Wade out last March as the Heat went 11-4.

“As a tamed tiger now, you always go back to what you know, a la Siegfried and Roy,” O’Neal said. “I’ve been tamed the last couple of years, but here’s a chance for me to go wild again. . . .

“When I came here, I accepted a different role because that was better for the team. It’s just time for me to step up a little more, and I have no problem doing that.”

He then scored 17 points in the first two games as the Heat went 0-2.

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You drive a hard bargain

Orlando’s Jameer Nelson, who at least doesn’t lack confidence, had his heart set on matching the $42-million extension Dallas’ Devin Harris got.

“I think I’m a better player and I mean more to my team,” Nelson said. “My numbers are better. Yeah, he’s bigger, but he’s not a legit 6-3. I’m a legit 6-1.”

In other words, Harris is bigger and his team is more successful. Nevertheless, Magic GM Otis Smith still gave Nelson $32.5 million, perhaps just for his creativity.

The rest of us can only dream of working for Smith with Nelson as our agent. On a prorated basis based on my height (I’m a legitimate 5-10), I’m worth $30.7 million.

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Famous last words

Golden State Coach Don Nelson on Dallas owner Mark Cuban’s “Dancing with the Stars” stint: “At least I admit I can’t dance.”

-- Mark Heisler