Kickin’ it up a notch

My feelings about the phenomenon known as “American Idol” can be summed up in the name Kelly Clarkson. Although she’s not musically my type, I think that on the whole the world is a little better for her having a career, and she’s a spunky thing who knows when to tell the suits to take a hike. (In which respect she is an example to the young. And to the old.)

And it’s good for Americans to practice voting.

So I give the franchise its due, and it is not without interest that I regard the coming of its spinoff, “The Next Great American Band.”

This is not a review, exactly. All I’ve seen of the show is a “highlight reel” consisting entirely of audition performances -- though if the show holds true to “Idol” form, tonight’s two-hour introduction will contain as many lowlights as highlights, ritual humiliation being a central tenet of the mother church.

The auditions are held on an outdoor stage in the desert (at Lake Las Vegas, a little research reveals), for the pop festival effect, minus the crowd. That what audience is there seems to be held in a remote bunker, watching the performances on closed-circuit TV, makes it more resemble an A-bomb test than a gathering of the tribes -- which is actually kind of rock when you think about it.

As in “Idol” and like competitions, there is a troika of showbiz types to praise and damn and make irritated faces. Here they are Goo Goo Doll John Rzeznik; percussionist and erstwhile Prince protegee Sheila E; and Briton Ian “Dicko” Dickson, who was in press and promotions at a number of labels and can drop names like the Jesus and Mary Chain, My Bloody Valentine and Oasis for cred-by-association. (He is more lately famous from “Australian Idol,” where he is reportedly known as “the bawdy judge.”) Of course, none of those bands would stand half a chance on “The Next Great American Band,” even were they Americans. “You should move around more,” one judge would have surely told Liam Gallagher. Or any of the rest of them.

“We are looking for all genres, all ages, all looks, all sounds!” reads the call for applicants, still up on the Web. Tonight’s contestants include bluegrass, soul, power pop, country-rock-pop, retro-swing, metal, novelty and punk-pop bands, and those that make the cut will go toe-to-toe in an apples-versus-oranges competition that will require them to work outside of their comfort zones.

There are a lot of bands around these days -- it’s not quite as common as having a blog, but it can seem that way -- and most of the ones I saw on the highlight reel are quite accomplished. If you look them up online, you’ll find their MySpace spaces and Flash-enhanced home pages. They have CDs and DVDs and T-shirts for sale. Endorsement deals, even. In the modern pop world, the unsigned band can do anything a signed band can, except get into massive debt with a record company.

And that, apparently, is what these kids are after.

Nevertheless, while the phrase “American Idol” may be an accurate enough description of Clarkson, none of this lot is going to be the next great American band, in any substantial way, even if it earns the right to call itself such in capital letters with a little trademark sign at the end. (Which isn’t to say it might not sell a lot of records -- this machine is built to do that.)

Pop idols might bloom in the bright light of television, but great bands usually need a little dark to germinate.

Still, it’s fun to pretend!

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robert.lloyd@latimes.com

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‘The Next Great American Band’

Where: Fox

When: 8 to 10 tonight

Rating: TV-PG-L (may be unsuitable for young children, with an advisory for coarse language)